It forces me to wonder if I will remain like this.
When one loses something, another is gained.
What did I lose in my life that influences this part of me?
I was called a "cool dude"
Unfazed in the face of danger.
That is...untrue.
It's just that I've seen worse, felt worse.
That it takes a lot to shake me.
And yet, such a thing as this...
Anyway, if there is anything I do not want to do.
Is to self-pity.
But even so, I won't pretend that I am fully alright.
But I guess I need to stop worrying the people who care.
Or at least the people who say they care.
It is difficult to differentiate sometimes.
Either way, I do not want to be a burden.
There is someone I do share my thoughts with,
And that person is nice enough to listen and still accept me for that.
But I really need to get to the root of it, and pick up my game.
There is only so much I can dump on a person.
Eh.
But it seems like I feel truly alive when they confide in me.
But I am me. They are them.
I need to control the influx of emotional information.
I need to stop it from affecting me.
I don't know who will understand.
But there are several whom I wish do try to comprehend.
Of course it hurts.
It's been hurting for a while.
And the fact that I have a bad habit of not saying what I want to say,
Nor doing what I feel I should do
Have I disappointed anyone?
But sometimes, it does indeed feel like I am walking alone despite the company.
Which makes me wonder.
Which point in time did I stop being okay with that?
I used to walk alone all the time.
I guess, I just don't want to anymore.
Though I guess I shall, for just a while longer.
I love them so much. Far more then I expected myself to. Far more than I usually allow myself to.
I was not prepared for my own emotions. Not at all.