But in short. I want this time to be different.
I don't want the same thing to happen.
For once, I'm going to do my best.
I'm going to step out of my comfort zone.
And reach out, despite the risk of getting hurt.
I was always protected by my non-chalance.
In case of betrayal.
In case something happens.
But this time...
I have no fallback.
I am running, trusting.
For once, I am not prepared.
Because I am tired of always being prepared.
I want to hang out like people do.
To laugh like people do.
To talk about stupid things that have no impact on life whatsoever.
I want to trust people.
And to be able to count on them.
If at all possible...
I want to be a good friend...
To be counted on.
To help carry the burden.
To give an encouraging word.
To be an existence that is appreciated.
I do not really have anyone else.
I have the one I love.
I have an old friend.
And this small handful of precious people.
Lord, allow me to love, and be loved.
And to be the best friend I can be.
Let me do my part and fulfill your purpose for me.
Let me exist to them, as you would have me exist.
Whether to learn or to teach.
To impart or draw.
To be who I am supposed to be.
And do allow me to keep all the promises I have made. Because I can only keep them through Your strength