OKay...maybe it's an insult to call a blessing "corruption"
Hmm...but it feels that way...it's spreading...
It feels...wonderful...and yet...like a responsibility
Power?
Such a cheap word...
Maybe it is power...
Influence...

I see the strings of the world
The strings of people...
Why?
It's so strange now...

And this thing that threatens to burst...
This...wonderful thing...
I wonder when I will truly grasp it
Now it's only at what...
10% ?

I can do...
So much more...
So so much more...
I know it...

To help...
To protect...
To reign

INFJ - The "Confidant"

INFJs, making up an estimated 1% of all people, are the most rare type (males even more so). They are introspective, caring, sensitive, gentle and complex people that strive for peace and derive satisfaction from helping others. INFJs are highly intuitive, empathetic and dedicated listeners. These traits tend to act as a "tell me what's wrong" sign on their forehead, hence the nicknames Confidant, Counselor or Empath. INFJs are intensely private and deeply committed to their beliefs.



"INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types."
- Portrait of an INFJ (The Personality Page)

"INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. Just as SP types commune with the object and "live in the here and now" of the physical world, INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect."
- INFJ Profile (TypeLogic)

"creative, smart, focus on fantasy more than reality, attracted to sad things, fears doing the wrong thing, observer, avoidant..."
- INFJ Jung Type Descriptions (similarminds.com)
"...desire to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their companions. Although Counsleors tend to be private, sensitive people, and are not generally visible leaders, they nevertheless work quite intensely with those close to them, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes..."
- The Portrait of the Counselor Idealist (Keirsey)

"INFJs tend to be devoted to what they believe in and seek work where their needs, values, and ideals can be deeply engaged. They move on the wave of their inspirations and are determined to see that their values are worked out in their lives. They will work toward their goals individually and, when needed, will put together a team of other highly dedicated people like themselves."
- INFJ - The Mystic (Lifexplore)



Temperament
NF (Visionary)

INFJ Population
Total: 1%
Male: 0.5%
Female: 1.5%

Primary Function
Introverted Intuition

Secondary Function
Extraverted Feeling

Tertiary Function
Introverted Thinking

Least Function
Extraverted Sensing




Introverted (I)

Introversion is a preference to focus on the world inside the self. Introverts tend to be quiet, peaceful and deliberate and are not attracted to social interactions. They prefer activities they can do alone or with one other close friend, activities such as reading, writing, thinking, and inventing. Introverts find social gatherings draining.

Introvert Characteristics
Energized by time alone
Private
Keeps to self
Quiet
Deliberate
Internally aware
Fewer friends
Prefer smaller groups
Independent
Not socially inclined
Enjoys solitude
Thinks before speaking


Intuition (N)

Intuition refers to how people process data. Intuitive people focus on the future and the possibilities. They process information through patterns and impressions. They read between the lines, they are abstract thinkers.

Intuitive Characteristics
Future-focused
Sees possibilities
Inventive
Imaginitive
Deep
Abstract
Idealistic
Complicated
Theoretical

Feeling (F)

Feeling refers to how people make decisions. Feeling people are subjective and make decisions based on principles and values. They are ruled by their heart instead of their head. Feeling people judge situations and others based on feelings and extenuating circumstances.

Feeling Characteristics
Decides with heart
Dislikes conflict
Passionate
Driven by emotion
Gentle
Easily hurt
Empathetic
Caring of others
Warm


Judging (J)

Judging is the preference outwardly displayed. Judging does not mean "judgmental". Judging people like order, organization and think sequentially. They like to have things planned and settled. Judging people seek closure.

Judging Characteristics
Decisive
Controlled
Good at finishing
Organized
Structured
Scheduled
Quick at tasks
Responsible
Likes closure
Makes plans

Slowly...I am breaking away...
I have changed so much...
It's crawling through my arm...
My heart...
It feels wonderful.

I'm not holding back...
Aquarias,Jezreel,Sandro,V,Maggie,...I love all of you
It wouldn't help if I was restricted

Hey you...
I accept your offer

I'm breaking free from myself...
*sigh*

It's been soooo sooo long...since I felt this
Heard the wind...
This sound...
So long...
Ah...
There is so much I see!
So so so much...
Thank you Jesus...
For 4-Dimensional vision...
It's good to be...

Free...

Yes...I know what I must do...
Then let us go...you and I
Let us go defend those who need defending
Let us go protect our friends
We shall watch over them
Even if they care not
We will fight for them
Even if they betray us
We will love them
Even as they despise our existance
And as we walk in God's light
We will not falter

When I look at my hands
I remember...
When I look at my own eyes...
I remember...
When I take each step...
I remember...
When I breathe...
I remember...

For it is why I am alive...
It is why I can do what I do...
God put me here for it...
And it's right...because it hurts
But I KNOW it's right...
Because...I'm more happy than I ever was

I don't feel powerless any more...
Thank you Jesus...
I will not be afraid any more...
It must be done

Now I shall drown in Hizaki

Am I upset?
No...
I'm not...
Ha ha...
Hey...I'm not...
Should I be?
I finally understand maybe.
I may mean little to everyone...
But I don't need their approval...
So even if I am non-existant
A last resort...
I know...I am who I am
Because of whose I am...

So what?
I'm but ranked last.
So what?
I have no one I trust.
It's not my loss,I realize...
If people don't value me much.
It's not my loss. ^_^

I'm not gonna bother to try
Really...
I'm really not the same...

I'll always be a friend...
But I am still human
I feel slighted at times...
But no more...
I will not vie to be special to anyone...

Guilt-tripping will not work.
Neither will most other things.

And for YOU...
Whoever YOU is...(are?)..(Lol,sounds funny)
Who is guilty of all these.
Don't tread the wrong toe...
You'd only hurt yourself in the end.
And I won't stop you if it's your choice...
So I'm warning you...Don't try.

I feel better now...*sigh* But I feel like this.



Cool....and yet not...I talk to myself...
Like wth...ugh

That's HIM btw...or what I imagine the other voice to be. *shrugs*

Celebrated Sandro's birthday today...Kinda early,I know...But ah well...It was fun...The others,Jezreel,Aquarias,+ Jeremy and Issac(Sandro's friends)...mostly played Bleach on the psp...Aquarias' new acquisition...Along with the other two's...I played the least,I reckon...
Anyway...I won't explain in detail...except in my book.
But I know this...
I hurt myself...again. Not on purpose...
But with desire...I hate desire...
In the end...with every ounce of strength,I kept myself from saying anything
But I can't hold back here...
I still...have feelings for...
Yeah...
It's crazy...
I wonder if she remembers the talk we had that day
Here I go again...
I wonder if she believes me still...

It's like...

One is my little sibling...
One is my psychological peer...
But her...I just can't stop...but arrgh.....

I chose this.
I'll choose it again.
Sure it hurts...
It hurts because I want to be selfish...
But I won't...
Because I cannot force love...
Either it comes
Or it doesn't

I only let her know what I feel...
And maybe...in time...
Stop...
Stop...
Freaking stop...I don't want to think about it.
It's here again....Arrrghhh.....Screw it..this isn't happening.

Stop fighting it

You again...

You shouldn't be surprised

I'm not...now just stay silent

Accept it...live with it...let it feed you

I will not turn against them...not them...

Wouldn't they,if they were in your position?...face it...

I am not running away...You know my issue

Ah yes...her...You know where you stand...give up...why bother?

Because there's always hope...

Hope? Indeed...But think about it...would she ever?

You cannot know that...

I can speculate

Then come what may...

But you love her

Exactly...

I'm guessing...She wouldn't do the same for you

Because she doesn't love me like that...if at all

Exactly...then why bother?

Because if I depend on such a reason to love...It will fail...

You would go through all this...on hope alone? To risk losing yourself to me?

I won't lose...

Then I shall watch your heart tear shred by shred...from the inside out

It doesn't change anything...

Why her? Why would you do all this for a person whom you don't trust to love you? To be there for you?

Because God loves me...and it's...enough...

Yet you want her to love you...hope...dream.

Of course...

What if it never happens? What if she gives that love to another?

Then so be it...

I will claim you then

We shall see...

No...I will stand by her...and by them...
I would stay here...
I will...
No matter what...
Call me an idiot...
I will do what I can...
And be myself...
Well...as much of myself that is not freaky...
I will take what comes...

And I'll still love her...
Jesus...thank you for them...
Thank you...for Jezreel...
No matter what happens...
I will be grateful to you...
For through her...you have taught me what it takes...
I wouldn't have it any other way...

"As Amaterasu fell...
I prepared myself for the incantation...
To break the chains...
The chains holding US back....
I thought I'd never utter them
However...
Perhaps this is the reason I was given this gift...
or curse...
Perhaps...because I could bear the pain...
And still live...
No...beacuse I would choose the pain
To help those I love....
The thought of freedom from years of restraint was too tempting...
One more drop of blood trickled to the floor...
I made my decision...
'I need His power'
I thought as I closed my eyes
'I need it now'...
Then the world...came loose"


Like it? It's part of my new story!


Anyway...here's the poem some of you heard me mentioning...Idea is Charmaine's ^_^


What is reality
But a fabrication of dreams
The birth of tangibility
Yet tearing at the seams

Who's to say what's a dream
Who's to say what's real?
In this world of blurred lines...
What is the real deal?

There is no limit...
None,I dare say...
For many have seen for themselves
My...gifts...if you may

Maybe I cannot fly...
Or shoot fire from my hand
Nor lift a ton of bricks
Nor am I a firebrand

I do know how to love however
And that is a dream for most
To see inside of hearts
To the soul of the host

A dream...perhaps...
Is just a vision to me...
But...it's a vision
Of reality to be...

Arrgh....
My strength wanes...
But my spirit does not
Desire...
Pain...
What are these?

Maybe I'm going mad...
Or just maybe I love too much
Do I?
I believe in no such thing
How can I love TOO much when Jesus loves more than me
So I'm safe...

Maybe people...
No...maybe they...just cannot see it?
Maybe that's what gets me a little upset...
Oh well...
Whatever...
What is pain?
What is desire?
Nothing but foot-holes for me to learn from...

So what if my heart is undeniably still for...?
So what?
So what if I get hurt being a friend to all of them?
What I want...is irrelevant...
Just seeing them smile...is beautiful enough...
And so what if my heart breaks whenever I fail?
I'll just get stronger
And wiser...
Faster...
Tougher...
For God is for me...
And IN me...

So..
Even if in the end...
They all leave...
I won't...

It is how I am made to be...

Hmm...strange...how things turn out...
But I regret nothing...
That's how I am...
How I was made to be...
It's a good thing...in this case...

I don't regret meeting anyone...
I don't regret getting hurt...

Darn...

I even remember myself saying something like
"You can stab me,break me(and blah blah),but I'll still be here for you"
I really meant it...
Where on earth do I get the strength?
Wait...not on earth
Ha ha...God's strength of course!

Sure...I got hurt...
Real real bad...
But still...
I healed...and I came back...
Well...certain people mean a lot to me...
Four people now...if I'm not wrong...

Betrayal?
Not my thing...
Not something I would do...
"Friends are friends...if they are friends"
And God is in these friendships...I know it...

Ha ha...
I am still tired...
But I'm happy...

They mean...so much to me...

And...for the one who needs it...
Jezreel,yes you.
Know that...I won't give up on you.
So don't give up on yourself...
I believe in you...
And I'm already proud of the person you are.
Don't forget to smile!

And Aquarias...
You really got to learn to relax...Ha ha!
Trust God...He never fails you know...




Oh yeah...for those who care...
I finished KoF MAXIMUM IMPACT.
One coin.
Accomplishment for me...
Like passing an exam.
Ha ha.