I forgot how much I love this song?
Check out that headbang!
Ha ha








Please watch in HD!

You got what you deserved.


Don't look for me.
You will be regarded as an enemy.
-Seph

Harsh reality eh.
You either be disliked for who you are.
Or you dislike yourself for not being who you are.

Outcast's Guide to fit in:

" 1.Keep it nice and fun.
2.Keep it simple. Don't go too far. Why think so much? Refer to #1
3.Don't get close. People don't like to get serious.
4. And definitely definitely DEFINITELY don't be honest. When they ask a question,give them what they want.
5. NO LIFE STORIES either.
6. Always smile even when you don't want to! Being a hypocrite doesn't matter as long as people are happy!
7. Nothing is too stupid,lighten up!
8. Feelings and deep emotions are taboo. They affect everyone,beware!
9. You should have about five or six friends now,at this point,never follow the "Guide to being different". That guide would lose you all your current friends
10. When you're sad,either tell the whole world that you're sad with a smile,or say you're fine! Refer to #6.
11. Don't mix around with weird people. They're just weird. Stick to your current friends and talk about fun things!
12. Make light of things. When someone tells you a problem,cheer them up by saying. "Don't worry,it'll be okay!",and say nothing more. It'll help,TRUST ME!
13. Avoid sad people. If you can't help them,they should be left alone instead of you going through it with them.
14. Stay in dreamland,the world is horrible,but look on the bright side all the time,and ignore the dark!"

I get it.
Not my thing.

Outcast's Guide to being different:
"1.Don't let people tell you who you should be
2. Be honest,no sugarcoat if you can afford it.
3. Be ready to take the #2 treatment from people as well.
4. Be ready to be stabbed in the back as well.
5. When you fall,and are abandoned,don't give up!
6. If people don't like you,move on
7. If they like you now,just make sure you're ready to refer to #6
8. At this stage,people will think you're full of yourself,be prepared.
9. WARNING,you will not get people to be your friend this way. It's the opposite,in many instances.
10. But those that do stay are precious,and are more valuable to you than the rest who left you. At this point,NEVER refer to "Guide to fit in". The friends you do have now don't like that kind of person.
11. Many of the previous issues will not stop. You will be convinced that you are at fault. And maybe you are. But you're human. Don't worry. Follow your heart.
12. Do not expect people to understand. They rarely do. They'll assume though.
13. Always remember. People who are bothered do not matter. And people who matter,are not bothered.
14. Take lessons from those who have left,do not belittle them. You are not better. Far from it. You are merely different."





So what.
Neither is right nor wrong.
Sure,the first is more well-liked.
But just because everyone is a certain way.
Doesn't mean I can't be different.
But,I shall not say more.
I do not know everything,but I follow my heart.
I am who I am.
I can't be who I'm not.
I can try,and I may succeed...
...for a while.

But that's not how I want to live my life.



PS: When I made both "guides",it's merely generalizing. And YES,it's a satire of sorts. Please do not be offended. If you are,and if you're assuming I'm talking about you. You're just full of yourself. No insult intended. It's just true. Your name isn't there,is it?

Y'all know this song? It applies very very directly. Given what happened in the past months. April,May,June,etc. I'd like to think it's meant specifically for me. Lol.

" That's life
That's what all the people say
You're riding high in April
You're shot down in May
I know I'm gonna change that tune
When I'm back on top in June

I say that's life
& as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks
Stompin' on your dreams
But I don't let it, let it get me down
'Cause this fine ol' world keeps spinning 'round

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn & a king
I've been up & down & over & out
But I know one thing
Each time I find myself, flat on this face
I pick myself up & get back in the race

That's life
I can't deny it
I thought of quitting, baby
This heart wasn't gonna buy it
And if I didn't think it was worth one single try
I'd jump right on a big bird & then I'd fly

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn & a king
I've been up & down & over & out
And I know one thing
Each time I find myself flat on my face
I pick myself up & get back in the race

That's life
That's life & I can't deny it
Many times I thought of cutting out
But my heart won't buy it
But if there's nothing shakin' come this here July
I'm gonna roll
I'm gonna roll
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball & die
Can't deny it
That's life!"



That's life,people!

I need Jesus to be a a bigger part of my life.
So that I can reach out.
These abilities,or whatever they are.
I don't want them to be stagnant.
I want to use them for His purpose.
I want to make a difference this time...

I was thinking
About what I usually think about :
People.
Friends.
Well,I am still glad for everything that has happened.
Even though some wonderful times are short,
People are still who they were to me
Regardless of current circumstances.


Dark
I am still Séph
And I may always be.
And I may always be the "silver hand".
Some people do not understand.
Some think that they do, and assume many things.
And they sometimes even assume the role of the person that they accuse me of being.
Am I not just a mirror then?
And not even on purpose.
Some who are more sensitive can see what really happens upon contact
Always pushing things to happen.
Things that are not always nice.
The thing is...I do not always know.
I am not always aware of what I do.
Perhaps some of my words hit closer to home than I expect.
Perhaps some miss by miles.
Sometimes my dark emotions are too great for some to accept.
Even if they thought that they would at first.
But this is always true:
When I say I care,I do.
Except that I may not care in the way that one would like me to
Or even expect me to.

And if one dares to claim that I do not care,based on that.
What does that say of them?

Whatever one says to me,is merely a reflection of who they are.
I do not show people themselves on purpose.
But inevitably, if one wants to be my friend.
One must first be prepared to face themselves.


Light

In everything,I take a lesson.
And sometimes,it is better to be "selfish" for another person's sake.
I watch from afar.
Seemingly attached.
I doubt many can pin down another person associated with me.
I stand, very prestigiously, apart from everyone.
Where I can watch
Where I can listen
Where I can learn.
It is true,I used to want to be like so many of them.
To be among friends.
To laugh and joke about many things.
But I know.
That isn't me at all.
And therefore,though I may laugh and joke and do silly things now.
I also know that I am not doing it to fit in.
Not at all.
My role is that of someone who watches.
My goal is to be aware. To know.
To listen.
That is all.






I am still Séph
And I am still the silver hand.
Perhaps some can already understand how my presence causes...
Incidents
Perhaps not.
But this knowledge does not change anything.
Any more than one realizing that the Sun does not rise.
It is the Earth that revolves.
Either way...Dawn will still come.
Either way, I will not be stopped.

Hmmm. I have a theory on evolution actually.
And how it affects us individually...
The same way one type of animal has different species with different abilities.
They can all be from the same family.
But there are cats
And there are lions.

Dark:
I realized how dead I can be...
How detached
Close to evil,even
I realize how I truly hate it when I am judged
Based on an opinion that is incomplete
I hate it when I happen to love the person or people who do such things
And you can imagine the effort it takes
To decide not to care
To decide that it does not matter any more
What they think of me
The way they look at me
I am different
And I am seen as immature
As a queer person

It does not matter...

"For in its very strength,lies its weakness.
A mere candle is enough to hold it back
Love is more than a candle
Love can ignite the stars"

It does not matter,not because I want to ignore it
No.
It does not matter,simply because it is not worth fretting about.
Such people
And there are many...
They are not the ones who I want as my comrades
And even if they are,they are not,yet
People change
And I as well...
Perhaps time will tell
But this time...
I'm really not going to be bothered.


Light
I suppose I am happier
If I think about it....
It is better to be...
Nonchalant about things?
I mean,I will have my own drive and direction.
But I should let the wind guide me,so to speak.
If one way is blocked
Or a door is shut
I need to keep moving
People come and people go
"Life's like that"
Oh people...
You have so much to learn about me...
If one asks what my ability was
I'll merely say...
"Control"
Because that's what it's all about...

Yes silly,I may get hurt easily
But this is also true:
You can only get hurt when you allow yourself to be.
I've been docile for long enough.

Time to be in control.

I still love them.
Bother bother.
Hmmm..."Bother"
"Those who are bothered do not matter
And those who matter are not bothered".
Thank you. :)
Even though I wish the above was true all the time.
If my love is true,it'll show in some way.

Anyway,from now on,most of my posts would have a light and heavy section. Or light and dark.
Well,not all,but most. Not for this one though.
Why?
Because I really need to be more optimistic and light-hearted. :p

There. That's roughly it. A not so depressing theme. With a not so depressing song. :)

Anyway. I read my post on "The Dark" (May 2007)
And I guess.
There is still hope. No matter what.
I mean,some people say they'd accept me no matter who I become.
But I guess I shouldn't make it hard for them right?
I don't want to make them break that word

So okay..
I'm gonna try to change.
No more being alone
And yet,no more relying on others
I'm going to become someone who really doesn't need friends,but doesn't mind having some.
Basically,not to care about that part too much.
People come and they go,I know.
So I should just enjoy whatever friendship I have while I can
Right?
No point going so deep and all,they can learn all about me when they really want to in time.
And I,them,but I'm going to quit the habit of wanting to know so much
Wanting to care.
Care would be sought when care is needed.
I think.
Whatever.

Some of you may not know what difference it'll be.
But this time,I'm not going to push.
Nor complain.
If something happens,well,it's a part of life,and I'll only tell you if you really want to know.
I really should stop complaining to people.
It's bad for them.

So yeah,I wouldn't go so far as to say it's a "new me".
But I'm gonna try to separate my lives
To keep it from affecting how I am with other people.

Oh,and about maturity.
I'm not going to pretend to be mature
And I never had.
But I do think that NONE of us has a right to judge that.
We are more mature in some areas
Less in others.
We're all human,and we're all imperfect.

Heck,sometimes,past experiences influence someone to be insecure about a specific area.
So do understand. Let's not judge people.


And I won't stop thinking,it's a part of me.
So if anytime,you want a deeper conversation,I would be more than happy to oblige

Oh yeah. Something to make some smile. :)


Lol,poor cat though.

Wait. That means I have to change blogskin/wallpaper? T_T