Okay...well...Did I mention that I kind of value my...troubles?
As in...Like,when you throw a superball down,it'll come back up higher.
And the more it gets hit...the higher it goes...
"It's conflict that strengthens us,isolation that erodes us"
And so on.

I will always be there for all of you
Aquarias,Sandro...Jezreel.

And even though I'm young...I'll always be there for y'all
And I love y'all...so so so much.

And to make things...Clear...
Yes...I still like that person...
And even though I seem to think about it a lot
I'm actually okay to wait
And if someday the answer is no...Ha ha. ^_^
It's fine.

I'm not much of an idiot...

But I'm gonna say...I'm gonna be true to myself
If people like me for me...That's great
If people don't,and It's just a personal reason,not because I did something wrong
I just have to accept it
^_^

My friends are the best...Really.

I'll do my best,to protect them.
To help them smile
To heal them
And to love them.

God help me...Let them be happy.
And let me enforce that...And you can have the glory
You know...As long as I can be there for them
I'm happy

Ah...my familiar friend
You've returned to see me
Pain,I haven't forgotten your name
But you seem different
Yes
This time
It's because I remember how she hurt me
Those words
Over and over and over and over again
Ricochet around my skull
"You do not love me"
"You do not love me"
"You do not love me"
"You do not love me"
"You do not love me"
"You do not love me"
And yet I do...
The one thing I can't stop doing
God help me
Help me...Make that untrue
Those scarring words...That I didn't mean what I said
Make them untrue

But if she finds another
Before I am fixed
I shall weep...with a smile

This is not something I should be thinking about...
And yet...those words
"I'm not the one for you"
Are worse...than if she said "You're not the one for me"
Because...If my happiness is what's she's worried about...
I needn't worry,as long as she smiles
If only I could make her happy...
If only I could
If...

But no...No...
It's your job,God,not mine.
You know my heart...Even though I guard it from her.
I love her as a friend...
And I like her a lot.
And maybe...In time...Teach me to love her as a woman
Teach me to hold her heart
And even if she said to me "you'd never be happy"
If I liked her any more than a friend

Perhaps her way of saying no?
Perhaps...
Come what may.
Ten swords
Ten thousand
Ten milllion...
Perhaps some peace,at last

I cannot control anything...
But God,YOU can...
If we're for each other,Lord...Teach me to Love...In both ways
If she is for another...Take it all...away....
For in the middle...Is agony...

*sigh*
I'm just so tired
Of life
But I'm happy
I'm tired of all the facade
But...I'm not really gonna bother

Hmmm...
I'm...
I don't know...
I miss everyone

Before I end my day...
Perhaps...I shall concede something
I shall grow up
Now
Instantly
I have seen many things
Heard many things
I've loved
I've been hurt
I've won
And lost
Many times
Strong...
And weak
But life...
It's something we just grit our teeth to get through
And in the end...
The pain...
Just another lesson...
Jesus is there,always has been
Who else can I count on?
Not my friends...
Not even my family
No one,but him.
Everyone fails...And it hurts
Especially when I fail
But I know... I know that He's with me
Ha...And I always have the twins
My fire hasn't gone out
It just...Changed shape
And for those who can see what I see
Or at least see more than just color in my eyes
Perhaps they'd become true friends
In time...
Perhaps...
I wouldn't count on it...
Nope...I am me...
I love as I please
And I love a lot
And now...
I expect not love in return...
Not from THEM
Who are THEY?
WHO?
Just people...they're all similar
At least...until they grow up
Of course...
That includes me...
But I'll always be there for them
It's one thing...that I know...
No...
That I...trust Him to solidify in me


Did my heart just fall?
Or did it just get strengthened?
No matter...
No matter...

Why..............
Why would I fall for someone who....
WHY?!
Well...Fine...It's not like I give up.
But well...Just let my Father handle it...
This is not the most pressing issue

The thing is...Everything is going downhill before my eyes....
EVERYTHING...And yet...If I want to be cold...I can say it has nothing to do with me...But...I love them...Whether they not care or disbelieve it...I LOVE THEM...I can't not hurt to see anyone hurt like this...I just can't...But it's like I can't...do anything...But pray...And be there when i can.

They've changed me...And I'm not going to be weak any more. I am not going to cry and cry and do NOTHING. I will help...if just lift hearts...a smile...a word...or just "are you alright?"....And perhaps someday...my beloved friends...Your scars would heal...

Father...HELP ME...

Once again
That poison threatens my heart
And perhaps in due time
Convulsions too,may start

The venom comes from you
My love
The words you utter
Whilst your heart you glove

And yet here I stand
Holding you with me
Of course you don't feel
Though I love you endlessly

Even as the poison consumes me
Like none of your kin
I will gladly take each drop
That none may touch your skin

Even as you begin again
To form venom on your lips
I will still hold you
As on my face,it quietly drips

For it is love
Your love,that is the cure
So till then
This agony I'll patiently endure

And if that day fails to come
Perhaps I would cry
And yet...
I can find no better way...
To die...

Wow.............................................I feel better already.
God did answer part of my prayer...I don't hurt so much.
I even read the Bible now.
And I'm better equipped to deal with...things....
The other part...Well...I hope he would come through
I do love her so....
Want to sweep her off her feet...
And show her a world she never even dreamed of..
Be everything to her....

Hmm...
But Jesus....If you really don't want me to be with her someday
Then do me a favour and give her someone really really really really awesome okay? Who loves her more than you have given me capabilty to(and that's really high).
But that's plan B.
Plan A: Make me really really really really awesome in your name. Even if just to her.
That would be great. A dream come true.
I know many people believe that you have someone waiting for them,that "perfect" someone. But what is "perfect" without you? You hold all our futures. Surely you could turn me into that person?
And some might tell me that I might find someone "better" than her,but there is no more "better" than in you. And I trust you. Alter my vision. She's perfect.
I believe,Lord,that you put feelings in us so that we can make a choice...
And when people make that choice...they say you have given them that someone.
But Jesus...I have made mine. Make it all good okay?
Maybe i might sound selfish...But Jesus.
Make me all that she wants...All that YOU want.
I mean...that's okay right?
Let me hold her heart.
And help me hold it.
And help me let her sigh in delight.
Over and over again.

OKAY...TIME OUT. I sound like some lovesick idiot.
This subject is supposed to be forgotten....
But how can I?
I will not forget...
But merely put my trust in Jesus
He'll make me awesome
He will

_
I'll steal you my dear
And take you away from all this pain
My shoulder will be your pillar
My arms a shield from rain

I'll feel you my dear
And treasure every beat
Of your heart,that is...
Your most precious feat

Your eyes will lose me
And a set of words slips
These words: "I love you"
Forever on my lips

Someday my dear
Someday I pray
That I'll hold you in my arms
I will,someday....

I swear I don't sound my age

I really want to me more than I am.
More than I ever was.
I cannot do it alone.
I need God.
I guess...I do want her to love me.
But that's not the reason.
I know....that hearing the Echo.
Is a gift.
But Father...can I live without this ability?
Wait.............or rather.
Can I live with this ability AND be able to deal with the things that come with it?
I want to be more,Father.
More than I am.
I want to be who you want me to be.
I don't want to keep running and running and running.
I want to be full of JOY!
And yet have your wisdom.
To be able to feel.
And yet,be able to heal.
Father...I ask that you make this one love of mine...be the last
That you would mold me...for her
That you let my heart hold her. And only her.
So that I can be,to her,what she is to me...
And most of all,Father,I ask you to make me the best friend I could ever be.
To her...to all...

Perhaps I am only 17,Father.
But you made me this way.
I want the devotion you created me for.
The wisdom.
The peace.
For I know,whatever I hold in my hands
Or in my heart.
It shall be whole again,through you.
And it shall rest.
Be it her,or anyone else.
Dad,YOU be the way.
I am not strong enough.

And when,Dad,that day should come that I look her in the eyes and tell her that I love her.
And she smiles and returns that love.
I know,it was only because of YOU.
So take my heart Dad,keep it safe.
I have no wish to offer her.
A broken heart.
But one she can take refuge in.
And know...even in her darkest and lonliest hour.
That she is loved.

I don't know if you will read this
And I don't know that if you read this that you would know I'm talking to you
But I'm just going to say it anyway

Perhaps I'm not the funniest guy.
Perhaps I'm not suave or cool.
Perhaps I'm not the least bit good-looking.
Perhaps my heart is not made of gold.
But I believe in God too
And I will love you
Perhaps I cannot cause your heart to flutter all the time
Or light up your life
But I will try

I will love you with all my heart
And I'll look into your eyes and tell you
Again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
That I love you.
And that'll just be the start.
Because I'll always say it.
And even when I don't speak it.
I will still say it.
And should you ever fail.
I'll just tell you.
I love you.
Again.
And again
And again.

 

And perhaps,Father. You shall cross our paths. Let me be all that you want. And make me more than all that she could ever dream of. If not. Then give her someone who would,Father. Because i love her so,but you,more than I.