I really want to me more than I am.
More than I ever was.
I cannot do it alone.
I need God.
I guess...I do want her to love me.
But that's not the reason.
I know....that hearing the Echo.
Is a gift.
But Father...can I live without this ability?
Wait.............or rather.
Can I live with this ability AND be able to deal with the things that come with it?
I want to be more,Father.
More than I am.
I want to be who you want me to be.
I don't want to keep running and running and running.
I want to be full of JOY!
And yet have your wisdom.
To be able to feel.
And yet,be able to heal.
Father...I ask that you make this one love of mine...be the last
That you would mold me...for her
That you let my heart hold her. And only her.
So that I can be,to her,what she is to me...
And most of all,Father,I ask you to make me the best friend I could ever be.
To her...to all...

Perhaps I am only 17,Father.
But you made me this way.
I want the devotion you created me for.
The wisdom.
The peace.
For I know,whatever I hold in my hands
Or in my heart.
It shall be whole again,through you.
And it shall rest.
Be it her,or anyone else.
Dad,YOU be the way.
I am not strong enough.

And when,Dad,that day should come that I look her in the eyes and tell her that I love her.
And she smiles and returns that love.
I know,it was only because of YOU.
So take my heart Dad,keep it safe.
I have no wish to offer her.
A broken heart.
But one she can take refuge in.
And know...even in her darkest and lonliest hour.
That she is loved.

I don't know if you will read this
And I don't know that if you read this that you would know I'm talking to you
But I'm just going to say it anyway

Perhaps I'm not the funniest guy.
Perhaps I'm not suave or cool.
Perhaps I'm not the least bit good-looking.
Perhaps my heart is not made of gold.
But I believe in God too
And I will love you
Perhaps I cannot cause your heart to flutter all the time
Or light up your life
But I will try

I will love you with all my heart
And I'll look into your eyes and tell you
Again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
That I love you.
And that'll just be the start.
Because I'll always say it.
And even when I don't speak it.
I will still say it.
And should you ever fail.
I'll just tell you.
I love you.
Again.
And again
And again.

And perhaps,Father. You shall cross our paths. Let me be all that you want. And make me more than all that she could ever dream of. If not. Then give her someone who would,Father. Because i love her so,but you,more than I.

Well...I don't know why I even bother. Maybe I need to talk to someone,even if it's myself. God works in mysterious ways indeed. Because unless I'm crazy,and that's possible,it seems that there's some unfound ability inside me that is struggling to manifest.

I mean

Why is it that I leave echoes everywhere I go?
In everyone who loved me?

Why is it that so many are influenced,imprinted.
Why is it that some bonds are so freaking painful?

It's like,being in a desert,dry and parched. And having the water in your hands.
It remains for a while...then it just slips away,leaving only the memory,and hands damp.
It is then that the need is stronger.

And then more and more water comes...but it all slips in the end.

So imagine me the thirsty one
The desert is life
And the water is the people I am bonded with.

The echoes hurt of course. They hurt a lot. But like I said...God works in such mysterious ways. The hurt doesn't fade...In fact...it grows...but then

So do I....

I mean,I love
*****
*******
*********
****
*****
*******
*****
******

These are probably my best friends on this planet. And all claim that they love me,one way or another. And I'm really glad,and thankful.

The problem is...to them...What am I

But just another person?

And if you ever read this
Know that the place in my heart you hold
Cannot...CANNOT be replaced
Not because of who I am
The love I'm capable of
But because of you
You made that place
And it's yours and yours alone
Maybe it means little to you
Maybe it means a lot
But it's something you need to know

It might even be important someday

It's better
And worse
It's so confusing.
I should be happy
And I am...
But still......
The echoes...
My words don't carry forth
I love
It is void
It doesn't matter
That
I would hold her hand
And jump of the edge of the Earth with her
That
I would drop everything
And rush to her side if she faltered
Does it matter?
Does it?
That every breath
A whisper I never heard

That most of the prayers I made were for her
That they came to pass
Maybe I love her more than I think
Maybe more than I should
But I will not stop
Through tempest and hellfire

If only she understood...

That to one such as me
She means more than the world

I say it can't be
But it is
I thought my heart could not be any more crushed
I was indeed the one who said that life goes on
I did not mean that we should forget
Ignore
What use is my power
When I can't even
Do anything about it
Except pray and cry myself to sleep
I know you're here,in Singapore
I see you,yet I don't...
Where ARE you? Old friend.................
You said...
You said you'd tell me....

Have you ever wondered what your purpose was?
What you were meant to do?
Sometimes,we know our power,our prowess.
What God has given us.
And yet,we doubt it.
And most times,right before out eyes
Something happens that creates echoes that resonate through countless lives
And worse pains are created
It is then you realise,with the heaviest guilt
That you had the power to stop it....

Okay okay okay
Here's a pop quiz
Name the Fool

The Fool silently loathes some people
But keeps on smiling anyway
The Fool loves too many
Too much...but this love is misplaced

The Fool tries too hard to speak and gain limelight
But that are created are shadows and void
In the Fool's heart,that is.

The Fool speaks beyond knowledge
And exploits some others
With a smug smile or twisted sneer
The Fool'd throw at what is seen

The Fool has vision,but does not share with others
For fear of being called a Fool you see.

But The Fool knows The Fool is a fool.
And is not afraid to admit it so.
We are all fools,in one way or next
But in this case

The fool,is me.

It can't happen like this....Not to me....Keep back....KEEP BACK. I will not lose myself to you...You may be stronger,you may have power...But I have love....You will NOT...NEVER take that away....BACK,I say...

But what's the point....In the end...I need you. I need to feed on your strength...your power....In the end....all that I love...will become an echo.......And all that I love,shall be nothing,but an illusion....It was never there,perhaps.

What am I fighting for? ....I submit.... My heart shall be vunerable no longer.... NO LONGER. What's the point? Your strength is all I need....And all else shall burn and wither in these eyes of fury...

Because

What's the point?

What's the freaking point?