Haiz...I've decided that I'll still write my poems here...I guess I'll put one a day,coz I have written alot! Ha ha...anyway,I wrote this when I was frustrated with my dear busy sister,who used to be closer...

 

Why?
Do you not reply me
When to you I call?
Is there a reason
I don't feel your love at all?

You start to ignore me
And speak when you wish
I don't mean much to you
I'm a worthless fish

Yet you diss yourself
When I still love you
I try to show it
But I'm pushed too

I want to help you,sister
To be part of your life
You're part of mine
So why the strife?

Yet...
You stay in your little cove
Numb to my feelings
And my reached-out love

Do you still love me?
You've stopped telling me so
Do you still think of me?
I'd really like to know

Where has my sister gone?
The one I stood by?
You just dissapeared
Without telling me why

You left me
Standing in the rain
"She'll be back",I thought
But I still felt the pain

I know,dear sister
You mean no harm to me
I don't mean to be angry
But you still need see

In the rain I stand
Not knowing what I'm saying
I only know
That I'm still waiting...

For you...

† ~ Seph ~ †

Whee...Nowadays I'm lazy to blog...coz I muz think of what I want to write about! Grr,so mafan...then again...I write in my Journal...so I guess it's the same. Well...anyway...I think I should update after every Dare service,yeah...Sooo...let's begin...*Ahem*

COMBINED SERVICE - DARE & CAMPUS

I didn't have to serve...so I hung out with Beverly and Justin(her younger brother),went to the arcade,I didn't play though. Just watched...and then we went in and got seats,and 3 more for Melanie,Ariel and Arielle. Asher was sitting right in front of me...so cool,ha ha. Anyway,service ws starting,and Mel still wasn't here,then she called...and asked me where I was,but other than that,I didn't hear what she said...ha ha. But I kinda got the gyst that they couldn't make it to the seats I got... So,yeah,we gave up the seats.

Pastor Chin was preaching,and he kinda hit the mark...he told it like it is,ha ha. He didn't refrain from using the correct terms...umm...GO figure...ha ha.

Anyway,after that,we went for dinner...yeah. I went with Zoefied,my sort of junior DG...Yeah...Actually...the day felt so really short. Also because I'm not supposed to talk about something that I would really like to...But I made a promise,so I shall not break it...

Hey people...sorry I haven't been blogging...I've been very busy writing poems...And no I don't really post them up here anymore...I give them away. :) Just ask me if you want one...I'll write a really sweet somthing for you! Ha ha! Okay...I'll just "Summerise" on what has happened in my life after my last post. I learned that I should be more discrete...I was too bold in some things I did. I also realized that I still like...*ahem*...I won't say. But friends should know...I thought I stopped...But I guess not...obviously...Anyway...I came back from Dare 2 Play with red eyes,nose,and face! It looked like I was blushing...if I can that is. I'm not burnt anymore,but I'm still dark...er. Yeahz...Hmm...Know what...3 people keep popping up in my head...Nikki,coz I haven't heard from her in such a while,Amelia,coz I don't see her anymore,and Beverly...simply beacuse I love her...lol. DON'T THINK FUNNY,people...Don't you know me by now? I don't mind saying things that are true...Don't you love your friends too? ANYWAY...I said all that because CERTAIN individuals get the wrong idea,but that's also because they're not close to me,so they don't know how emotional I can get.  Feel like posting another Ayu song...Shall I post it in English or Romanji? Or both? Hmm...Both la,so you can learn a bit of jap too...lol.

Rainy Day - Ayumi Hamasaki(Romanji)

Wasure taku nai koto nara
Oboeyou to shinaku temo
Wasureru koto nante nai
Sou shizuka ni kanjiru

Are wa aru samui hi de
Tsuyoi ame no naka
Boku wa tada kimi dake o
Machi tsuzukete ita

Moshi ima ga boku no owari
Datta to shitara sore demo
Kamawanai to omoeru hodo
Nani mo kowaku nakatta

Shiawase ni warai au
Hitobito ga boku no
Sugu soba o nando demo
Toori nuketa kedo

Hitori kiri kasa mo naku
Tachi tsukusu boku wa
Dare yori mo odayaka ni
Hohoende ita

Kogoeru te o kazashite
Arawareta kimi o mite
Nakidashi sou ni natta no wa
Kanashimi no sei ja nai

 

Rainy Day - Ayumi Hamasaki(English)

I calmly feel
That I never forget
What I don't want to forget
Even if I don't try to remember it

It was a cold day
I kept on waiting
Just for you
In the hard rain

I was afraid of nothing
I could even think
That even if it was the last day of my life
I didn't care

People who were
Happily smiling together
Passed just close to me
So many times

But I was smiling
More gently than anyone else
Standing alone
Without an umbrella

When I shaded my eyes with my freezing hand
And saw you appear
It wasn't because of sadness
That I was about to cry

Your gaze is so very tender as you stare at me
Over there, on that little flimsy chair.
With a gentle, happy face,
She agreed, smiling

While some kind of loud noise was building,
In my mind, it was as though it was collapsing
Unable to move, I just kept standing there

"Why isn't it me?" I asked, but
It's not some kind of foolish example.
You were there as I had never seen you before.
As I can only, only feel from far away,
How on earth can I express this emotion?

From time to time, the sorrow in your eyes
Would show me the reason, so...

That which can be given to you --
I can't give it; no one can.
Is it only that one person who is so understanding that can?

When do you first miss her?
About that time, I realized the truth.
I saw through the lies, and even if I pretend they are truth
It's just, just so excessively empty.
This feeling.... Is this known as "love"?

"Why isn't it me?" I asked, but
It's not some kind of foolish example.
You were there as I had never seen you before.
Did you feel it from far away?

When do you first miss her?
About that time, I realized the truth.
I saw through the lies, and even if I pretend they are truth
It's just, just so excessively empty.
This feeling is certainly known as "love", isn't it?

I wasn't feeling too well on Saturday,but I had to get up anyway...to be more precise...I wanted to. Coz I was going to meet Victoria and the others to watch "Fun with Dick and Jane" coz it was her birthday 2 days later...yeah. So,the movie was stupidly funny,but had a serious storyline...and some people did not understand...Who was there you ask? Victoria,Melanie,Arielle,Ivy,Alyn,Gerard,Jerald,Shi Mei,Clarice,Eugine...and I cannot remember who else...hmm...*thinks hard*...Yup, I really can't remember...HA HA! So anyway,during the movie,they kept throwing popcorn and other stuff. And then,Vic threw a bottle at Ivy,and Ivy "returned fire" and hit Vic on the head...like,ow! After the movie,we went to Millienia where most of the guys played Lan. I didn't join them. SO the rest of us went to the food court to have lunch,after which the rest of the guys went to serve. ANd I was the only guy among the gals again...not an uncommon sight for those who know me...but hey,I'm no sissy okay? I'm just one who doesn't mind. So for most of the time before service,we were just walking around and talking,went to Ben and Jerrys,but didn't eat anything,and Arielle and Ivy dissapeared for a while to Minitoons and came back with 2 stuffed flower toys(One for Mel and One for Vic,which they didn't keep in the end),a pen with a furry ball for Ariel(She joined us when we were there) and many bags of Marshmallows for Vic (Who gave me 2 bags of it,so sweet right? ha ha ha ha). I didn't talk much,and Arielle said I was very quiet...not true okay? ...I had a sore throat... Then soon before service...I saw Amelia and Rachael coming out of the auditorium. How come they can go in? Must be because Amelia was serving and somehow was able to bring Rachael in as well...FINE LA! AMELIA! BRING RACHAEL IN AND NEVER BRING ME...FINE! Ha ha...no la...it's okay,I was with the "gang" anyway. So we went in sometime later,and I was seated next to the cam which I pray I would be using soon in main service. I went to talk to Sound people and my Video peeps...okay,that sounds funny. Coz it was just Amelia and Rachael there,so yeah,I went to talk a bit before service started. We has service was with Campus on that day...and it was rockin'! Ha ha...but I shall not go into detail,or this post will be un-ending. So after that...I stayed behind abit to talk to Rachael and then left with Victoria and the others to have dinner at BK. During which...I was a bit more talkative...and then it suddenly became noisy because more Dare people came in. And like,many things happened...and then someone told Ariel something and then she got mad and stormed off,and Vic ran after her,with some of us in suit(including me). And then...she cooled down...and later wanted to take pictures,but never did. Ha ha,then we like,talked a bit more,and decided to go home...

WHY MUST THERE BE SUCH ISSUES IN MY LIFE?! WHY?! IT'S SO FRUSTRATING!

First of all:there's the thing with the one named Amelia ,(that dumb rule doesn't apply anymore...if you dunno what I mean,nevermind),why do I have to like her in the first place?! It seems to create alot of coldness between us...unless I'm imagining it...I mean,I don't regret telling her,but...I hate the feeling of "unsureness" when I'm with her,it's like,I wanna talk but I can't seem to speak because I'm afraid of what I might say...I don't want her to like see me as another one of those guys who see girls as things...I want her to know that I tresure her alot,and I love her as a friend...And that I'm not just talking to her because I like her...and so many more things I wanna say,but can't seem to. It's like,I "gather" all this courage to wanna ask her or tell her something,and lose all of it in a second once I see her. Such a coward,I know,but I can't help it!!!!!! Even that day when I passed her the note (which I'm not even sure she read),I rushed outside in the last minute,propelled by...I don't know what,and then,right after I passed her the thing,reality set in,and I sort of ran away again. WHY AM I ALWAYS RUNNING?! I don't want to be a coward! It's the first time I've felt so strongly about someone and I don't know what to do...and I cannot really seem to contact her. It's like,you don't call her...she calls you,like some mafia boss or something(Sorry Amelia,in case you read this,but it's kinda true innit? :p ) ha ha. I'm actually hoping she reads this...So she'll know what I struggle to tell her...But I'm not counting on it,praying though...

Second thing: Nikki...I'm still not over her leaving,I think of her everyday,why? Maybe because I'm dwelling on all the "could have"s and "should have"s...And it seems almost like a dream that you never want to be real,but is. I know I'm being selfish here,but I WISH SHE WOULD COME BACK AND STAY,FOREVER! It's all my fault for not spending time with her when I could,and now I almost hate myself for waiting so long to try...I just can't do this anymore...It's quite hard to move on,and I'm not sure I want to...I just want to hold on to my memories forever...

Anyway,for your information and maybe amusement...I'm gonna tell you about Saturday...hmm...maybe tomorrow okay. I'm still not really feeling well...

I'm distraught...As many of you might know...I'm not really someone who regrets anything...But there is one thing that is difficult to accept...that Nikki has migrated to Perth...It took this long for reality to hit me...and I just can't believe it...I regret not talking to her the last time I saw her...I regret not talking to her 2 Christmas-es ago. I really wanted to bring her to D.A.R.E. since forever,I wanted to like,go for Dare camps together and go out and everything. But I always kinda procrestinated,even though there was almost no way for me to do that anyway,but I kinda hate myself for giving up and saying "next time"...Now there isn't a next time...And you'll never really know how much someone means to you till they're gone. So,people...don't wait...If you wanna do something,do it...for you won't know when you can't anymore. You don't want to say,"I wish I had done this","I wish I had said that" one day. I cried myself to sleep yesterday...it's not a good feeling...Learn from me and don't have regrets...

Anyway...lets continue about D.A.R.E. So after I saw her,I tried to act normal,but failed,so I looked away. And only talked when I had recovered from the "shock". Yeah,so stuff happened...(I'm actually pulling stuff outta my Journal to put here,so there is more detail in my journal of course),oh yeah,Victoria,Melanie and Arielle came up front just to say hi,ha ha,cool...It's like a fanclub,ha ha...Then D.A.R.E. started,Asher was close to making the stage collapse,I wasn't really doing anything,coz I already set up everything myself,so I had Amelia doing the lyrics,hee hee,and in case you were wondering,yes,we talked...After Praise and Worship,we split into our Daregroups which were our Campgroups last year. We did some sharing about this year,which is the year of dreams fulfilled,and stuff like that. So after that,we went back in,had 2 more songs,had a cheer :

Heyyyyy
Hey Jesus
(Ooh,Ahh)
I wanna knowwwwwww
That you saved my soul
2,3,4,5,6,7,8

and so on.
Then we were dismissed. Packed up the coms,had debriefing. Then went to meet Victoria and the others for lunch,Amelia came along,but for like,5 mins,then she had to leave...ANd then I discussed some stuff with my "fanclub" and went home...

Okay,like...Wow...Don't know what I'm wowing at? I'll tell you...but from the start.

I arrived at the 6th floor at about 12:30,doors were closed...So I waited outside,saw Asher...Doors opened at about 1pm. Went inside...No one else from Video was coming except Jie...I thought she'd be early as usual,but I guess not. So I set up the stuff...running back and forth doing many things(Quite fun actually). When I was almost done,Jie messaged me and said that she'll be late...okay,sure. So I finished up everything. Then went to see what the Sound people were up too...Jack was teaching Benjamin,the new "recruit" and Isabel was taping the wire...Jer was umm...doing something..then sometime later he set up the camera stand and asked me to hold the camera while he went to get a tape. Then I started playing with it...till he came back with the tape. Put the tape in,then I put the Camera in the stand and started playing...I mean testing it...ha ha. When I finished,I came down from the box I was standing on and I noticed from the corner of my eye,a girl with long hair,I turned to look,and I didn't really register who it was,so I looked away...one second later,something clicked,and I looked again...this time,I looked clearly at her,and saw that it was Amelia(I'll tell why I refer to her by name,but later)...Wow...She looked darn COOL! And like,so beautiful(She doesn't really visit this blog,so I can speak my mind :p)...She had let her hair down,it's not like I'd never seen her let her hair down before...but...She looked different this time...much more beautiful...I mean she has always been pretty,but it seems like this is the first time I had noticed it. It looks like the flower has bloomed...I guess I did not call her a Precious Rose for nothing...Now I'm physically attracted too...great...Ya know,her beauty was not the thing that attracted me untill now. Amelia rocks...don't tell her I said that though...Anyway,I'll write about the rest of the day tomorrow...

PS: When I refer to her as Jie it means that I see her only as that at that moment...but when I refer to her as Amelia,I see her as more than just a friend...

Before I go,check this out:

Amelia is so cool de
She looks like
WHOO!

Ha Ha
Till tomorrow then...

Day 3 & 4...Wednesday & Thursday,7th & 8th December

Night had come,it was time for Extreme Transformation(or something like that),where we had to put a play into action...My group did netball...I held the bedsheets...Ha ha ha ha ha ha...that's probably why people didn't see me :p
We had praise and worship,and more praise and worship,and even more praise and worship! By the time we finished...it was about 1:30am,cool or what?! It had started raining already...I packed up and waited for Beverly to get tended to by the Medic,she had leg aches,I had no problem,'cause I was at the PC most of the time,hee hee. Some people mentioned that she looked like she was my sister,what resemblence do we have?! Maybe because we act like it...hmm. Anyway,escorted Beverly back to her "room" or "bunk" (or whatever) in case she fell or something('cause she was walking like,stiff). When we got there,told her I would go back later so we could go and see what Amelia & Rachael are up too and ask if they wanted to participate in "boming runs"...hee hee. My roommate has a few bombs see. When I got back to my room to get them...I found that they had wasted them already...there were none left to disturb people with! Grrr! Nevermind,I changed(shirt was wet from rain),and got out my umbrella and Dare Jacket and headed to the Loomers at B1.

There,I found out that they had 2 cockroaches they wanted me to deal with...Okkay...I wasn't afraid of cockroaches,but I wouldn't try to kill them if I had a choice,they almost can't die...True enough,one of the Cockroaches had already been crushed by Ariel in the bathroom,it was still alive! ...  -_-   I tried killing it further by stepping on it at making sure it was completely flat...when I finished,it was still like,trying to move. ""-_-  Like,don't they die? Seroiusly,it was completely flat! Anyway I picked it up(with paper of course!) and flushed it. TIme for the other one...Arielle told me it was trapped under the sink,I tried looking for it,but couldn't find it...From experience...I knew it was probably somewhere elsewhere far away from there,you can NEVER trap a cockroach(am I giving them credit? NO!).

Nevermind,forgot about it,went outside and talked. And suddenly Arielle screamed,and she was right beside me -.- I looked to the floor and saw another cockroach...like,I've almost had enough! But I didn't want to dirty my shoe :( so I asked for another shoe or book or anything they didn't want...Arielle passed me a 1.5l coke bottle that wasn't empty and told me I should ask Ivy before I used it(did I mention she was there?),when I did,she only screamed...I took that as a no. Then this boy(forgot his name,sorry!) came with a slipper Victoria gave him and whacked it and whacked it and whacked it and whacked it and whacked it and whacked it(a bit sadistic actually) and whacked it again. It died...at least I think so.

When it was about 3am they started to watch soccer -_- I don't like soccer FYI. So I silently left when they were glued to the tv. Headed to Beverly's,on the way,had to help someone chase a frog(or toad) away,Medic was already at Beverly's when I got there so I waited till about 4,Claudine( I think ) came and joined us. Then we went to Amelia and Rachael's dwelling. Instead found some guy there making milo...  -_-?  Asked him where Amelia and Rachael was,said that Rachael was sleeping and Amelia was at the "party" at K10,so we went but they were almost done already,we stayed anyway,but Beverly wanted to go back...said she was tired. So it was me,Claudine(THe 2 Hupers),and the some of Super D,with Ernie sharing lame jokes -_-. But I was thankful for the company. Someone decided that we should watch sunrise...And Ernie said that the best place to see was from his room...so we started heading there...but west-bound,which is further from the sun than if you travel eastward right? So i started getting doubtful,but Ernie convinced us that it was possible...Fine,so there were no more complaints. But when we got there...it was clear that we wouldn't be able to see it at all! ... There were trees blocking the east view...like,grr. True enough...we could see the sky lighting up,but couldn't see the sun. Nevermind...Ernie was entertainment enough :pp. At maybe...7am..we went back,Amelia was almost falling asleep while walking...how cu-...interesting... :p

Went to check on Beverly...found her stoning on a chair...went to talk to her. She was indeed tired,kept dozing off. I just sat there when she did...loving my sister so much. When I decided that I'll let her sleep undisturbed,I woke her up and told her I would be leaving,and will be back at 9 to make sure she got packed. So I went back to pack,which took only 5 minutes since I am already such an organized person :p.

It was already very bright,went to put down the bags and get breakfast and for my sleeping roommates too,a few who were up followed me and got the idea of sabotaging the food...ha ha ha ha. It worked quite well. 8:55...made sure Rachael & Amelia was up(I asked their roommate,either Clarice or Serene...forgot who was who -.-). Met Beverly on the way,saved me the trouble of going to the room. We attended a end-of-camp briefing...and it was time to go home...It was the best camp so far...I only realized that on the last day: I loved my existing friends a whole lot more,and even made new ones. And most of all,I got changed by Jesus! All of that was what made the whole thing count!