Your gaze is so very tender as you stare at me
Over there, on that little flimsy chair.
With a gentle, happy face,
She agreed, smiling

While some kind of loud noise was building,
In my mind, it was as though it was collapsing
Unable to move, I just kept standing there

"Why isn't it me?" I asked, but
It's not some kind of foolish example.
You were there as I had never seen you before.
As I can only, only feel from far away,
How on earth can I express this emotion?

From time to time, the sorrow in your eyes
Would show me the reason, so...

That which can be given to you --
I can't give it; no one can.
Is it only that one person who is so understanding that can?

When do you first miss her?
About that time, I realized the truth.
I saw through the lies, and even if I pretend they are truth
It's just, just so excessively empty.
This feeling.... Is this known as "love"?

"Why isn't it me?" I asked, but
It's not some kind of foolish example.
You were there as I had never seen you before.
Did you feel it from far away?

When do you first miss her?
About that time, I realized the truth.
I saw through the lies, and even if I pretend they are truth
It's just, just so excessively empty.
This feeling is certainly known as "love", isn't it?

I wasn't feeling too well on Saturday,but I had to get up anyway...to be more precise...I wanted to. Coz I was going to meet Victoria and the others to watch "Fun with Dick and Jane" coz it was her birthday 2 days later...yeah. So,the movie was stupidly funny,but had a serious storyline...and some people did not understand...Who was there you ask? Victoria,Melanie,Arielle,Ivy,Alyn,Gerard,Jerald,Shi Mei,Clarice,Eugine...and I cannot remember who else...hmm...*thinks hard*...Yup, I really can't remember...HA HA! So anyway,during the movie,they kept throwing popcorn and other stuff. And then,Vic threw a bottle at Ivy,and Ivy "returned fire" and hit Vic on the head...like,ow! After the movie,we went to Millienia where most of the guys played Lan. I didn't join them. SO the rest of us went to the food court to have lunch,after which the rest of the guys went to serve. ANd I was the only guy among the gals again...not an uncommon sight for those who know me...but hey,I'm no sissy okay? I'm just one who doesn't mind. So for most of the time before service,we were just walking around and talking,went to Ben and Jerrys,but didn't eat anything,and Arielle and Ivy dissapeared for a while to Minitoons and came back with 2 stuffed flower toys(One for Mel and One for Vic,which they didn't keep in the end),a pen with a furry ball for Ariel(She joined us when we were there) and many bags of Marshmallows for Vic (Who gave me 2 bags of it,so sweet right? ha ha ha ha). I didn't talk much,and Arielle said I was very quiet...not true okay? ...I had a sore throat... Then soon before service...I saw Amelia and Rachael coming out of the auditorium. How come they can go in? Must be because Amelia was serving and somehow was able to bring Rachael in as well...FINE LA! AMELIA! BRING RACHAEL IN AND NEVER BRING ME...FINE! Ha ha...no la...it's okay,I was with the "gang" anyway. So we went in sometime later,and I was seated next to the cam which I pray I would be using soon in main service. I went to talk to Sound people and my Video peeps...okay,that sounds funny. Coz it was just Amelia and Rachael there,so yeah,I went to talk a bit before service started. We has service was with Campus on that day...and it was rockin'! Ha ha...but I shall not go into detail,or this post will be un-ending. So after that...I stayed behind abit to talk to Rachael and then left with Victoria and the others to have dinner at BK. During which...I was a bit more talkative...and then it suddenly became noisy because more Dare people came in. And like,many things happened...and then someone told Ariel something and then she got mad and stormed off,and Vic ran after her,with some of us in suit(including me). And then...she cooled down...and later wanted to take pictures,but never did. Ha ha,then we like,talked a bit more,and decided to go home...

WHY MUST THERE BE SUCH ISSUES IN MY LIFE?! WHY?! IT'S SO FRUSTRATING!

First of all:there's the thing with the one named Amelia ,(that dumb rule doesn't apply anymore...if you dunno what I mean,nevermind),why do I have to like her in the first place?! It seems to create alot of coldness between us...unless I'm imagining it...I mean,I don't regret telling her,but...I hate the feeling of "unsureness" when I'm with her,it's like,I wanna talk but I can't seem to speak because I'm afraid of what I might say...I don't want her to like see me as another one of those guys who see girls as things...I want her to know that I tresure her alot,and I love her as a friend...And that I'm not just talking to her because I like her...and so many more things I wanna say,but can't seem to. It's like,I "gather" all this courage to wanna ask her or tell her something,and lose all of it in a second once I see her. Such a coward,I know,but I can't help it!!!!!! Even that day when I passed her the note (which I'm not even sure she read),I rushed outside in the last minute,propelled by...I don't know what,and then,right after I passed her the thing,reality set in,and I sort of ran away again. WHY AM I ALWAYS RUNNING?! I don't want to be a coward! It's the first time I've felt so strongly about someone and I don't know what to do...and I cannot really seem to contact her. It's like,you don't call her...she calls you,like some mafia boss or something(Sorry Amelia,in case you read this,but it's kinda true innit? :p ) ha ha. I'm actually hoping she reads this...So she'll know what I struggle to tell her...But I'm not counting on it,praying though...

Second thing: Nikki...I'm still not over her leaving,I think of her everyday,why? Maybe because I'm dwelling on all the "could have"s and "should have"s...And it seems almost like a dream that you never want to be real,but is. I know I'm being selfish here,but I WISH SHE WOULD COME BACK AND STAY,FOREVER! It's all my fault for not spending time with her when I could,and now I almost hate myself for waiting so long to try...I just can't do this anymore...It's quite hard to move on,and I'm not sure I want to...I just want to hold on to my memories forever...

Anyway,for your information and maybe amusement...I'm gonna tell you about Saturday...hmm...maybe tomorrow okay. I'm still not really feeling well...

I'm distraught...As many of you might know...I'm not really someone who regrets anything...But there is one thing that is difficult to accept...that Nikki has migrated to Perth...It took this long for reality to hit me...and I just can't believe it...I regret not talking to her the last time I saw her...I regret not talking to her 2 Christmas-es ago. I really wanted to bring her to D.A.R.E. since forever,I wanted to like,go for Dare camps together and go out and everything. But I always kinda procrestinated,even though there was almost no way for me to do that anyway,but I kinda hate myself for giving up and saying "next time"...Now there isn't a next time...And you'll never really know how much someone means to you till they're gone. So,people...don't wait...If you wanna do something,do it...for you won't know when you can't anymore. You don't want to say,"I wish I had done this","I wish I had said that" one day. I cried myself to sleep yesterday...it's not a good feeling...Learn from me and don't have regrets...

Anyway...lets continue about D.A.R.E. So after I saw her,I tried to act normal,but failed,so I looked away. And only talked when I had recovered from the "shock". Yeah,so stuff happened...(I'm actually pulling stuff outta my Journal to put here,so there is more detail in my journal of course),oh yeah,Victoria,Melanie and Arielle came up front just to say hi,ha ha,cool...It's like a fanclub,ha ha...Then D.A.R.E. started,Asher was close to making the stage collapse,I wasn't really doing anything,coz I already set up everything myself,so I had Amelia doing the lyrics,hee hee,and in case you were wondering,yes,we talked...After Praise and Worship,we split into our Daregroups which were our Campgroups last year. We did some sharing about this year,which is the year of dreams fulfilled,and stuff like that. So after that,we went back in,had 2 more songs,had a cheer :

Heyyyyy
Hey Jesus
(Ooh,Ahh)
I wanna knowwwwwww
That you saved my soul
2,3,4,5,6,7,8

and so on.
Then we were dismissed. Packed up the coms,had debriefing. Then went to meet Victoria and the others for lunch,Amelia came along,but for like,5 mins,then she had to leave...ANd then I discussed some stuff with my "fanclub" and went home...

Okay,like...Wow...Don't know what I'm wowing at? I'll tell you...but from the start.

I arrived at the 6th floor at about 12:30,doors were closed...So I waited outside,saw Asher...Doors opened at about 1pm. Went inside...No one else from Video was coming except Jie...I thought she'd be early as usual,but I guess not. So I set up the stuff...running back and forth doing many things(Quite fun actually). When I was almost done,Jie messaged me and said that she'll be late...okay,sure. So I finished up everything. Then went to see what the Sound people were up too...Jack was teaching Benjamin,the new "recruit" and Isabel was taping the wire...Jer was umm...doing something..then sometime later he set up the camera stand and asked me to hold the camera while he went to get a tape. Then I started playing with it...till he came back with the tape. Put the tape in,then I put the Camera in the stand and started playing...I mean testing it...ha ha. When I finished,I came down from the box I was standing on and I noticed from the corner of my eye,a girl with long hair,I turned to look,and I didn't really register who it was,so I looked away...one second later,something clicked,and I looked again...this time,I looked clearly at her,and saw that it was Amelia(I'll tell why I refer to her by name,but later)...Wow...She looked darn COOL! And like,so beautiful(She doesn't really visit this blog,so I can speak my mind :p)...She had let her hair down,it's not like I'd never seen her let her hair down before...but...She looked different this time...much more beautiful...I mean she has always been pretty,but it seems like this is the first time I had noticed it. It looks like the flower has bloomed...I guess I did not call her a Precious Rose for nothing...Now I'm physically attracted too...great...Ya know,her beauty was not the thing that attracted me untill now. Amelia rocks...don't tell her I said that though...Anyway,I'll write about the rest of the day tomorrow...

PS: When I refer to her as Jie it means that I see her only as that at that moment...but when I refer to her as Amelia,I see her as more than just a friend...

Before I go,check this out:

Amelia is so cool de
She looks like
WHOO!

Ha Ha
Till tomorrow then...

Day 3 & 4...Wednesday & Thursday,7th & 8th December

Night had come,it was time for Extreme Transformation(or something like that),where we had to put a play into action...My group did netball...I held the bedsheets...Ha ha ha ha ha ha...that's probably why people didn't see me :p
We had praise and worship,and more praise and worship,and even more praise and worship! By the time we finished...it was about 1:30am,cool or what?! It had started raining already...I packed up and waited for Beverly to get tended to by the Medic,she had leg aches,I had no problem,'cause I was at the PC most of the time,hee hee. Some people mentioned that she looked like she was my sister,what resemblence do we have?! Maybe because we act like it...hmm. Anyway,escorted Beverly back to her "room" or "bunk" (or whatever) in case she fell or something('cause she was walking like,stiff). When we got there,told her I would go back later so we could go and see what Amelia & Rachael are up too and ask if they wanted to participate in "boming runs"...hee hee. My roommate has a few bombs see. When I got back to my room to get them...I found that they had wasted them already...there were none left to disturb people with! Grrr! Nevermind,I changed(shirt was wet from rain),and got out my umbrella and Dare Jacket and headed to the Loomers at B1.

There,I found out that they had 2 cockroaches they wanted me to deal with...Okkay...I wasn't afraid of cockroaches,but I wouldn't try to kill them if I had a choice,they almost can't die...True enough,one of the Cockroaches had already been crushed by Ariel in the bathroom,it was still alive! ...  -_-   I tried killing it further by stepping on it at making sure it was completely flat...when I finished,it was still like,trying to move. ""-_-  Like,don't they die? Seroiusly,it was completely flat! Anyway I picked it up(with paper of course!) and flushed it. TIme for the other one...Arielle told me it was trapped under the sink,I tried looking for it,but couldn't find it...From experience...I knew it was probably somewhere elsewhere far away from there,you can NEVER trap a cockroach(am I giving them credit? NO!).

Nevermind,forgot about it,went outside and talked. And suddenly Arielle screamed,and she was right beside me -.- I looked to the floor and saw another cockroach...like,I've almost had enough! But I didn't want to dirty my shoe :( so I asked for another shoe or book or anything they didn't want...Arielle passed me a 1.5l coke bottle that wasn't empty and told me I should ask Ivy before I used it(did I mention she was there?),when I did,she only screamed...I took that as a no. Then this boy(forgot his name,sorry!) came with a slipper Victoria gave him and whacked it and whacked it and whacked it and whacked it and whacked it and whacked it(a bit sadistic actually) and whacked it again. It died...at least I think so.

When it was about 3am they started to watch soccer -_- I don't like soccer FYI. So I silently left when they were glued to the tv. Headed to Beverly's,on the way,had to help someone chase a frog(or toad) away,Medic was already at Beverly's when I got there so I waited till about 4,Claudine( I think ) came and joined us. Then we went to Amelia and Rachael's dwelling. Instead found some guy there making milo...  -_-?  Asked him where Amelia and Rachael was,said that Rachael was sleeping and Amelia was at the "party" at K10,so we went but they were almost done already,we stayed anyway,but Beverly wanted to go back...said she was tired. So it was me,Claudine(THe 2 Hupers),and the some of Super D,with Ernie sharing lame jokes -_-. But I was thankful for the company. Someone decided that we should watch sunrise...And Ernie said that the best place to see was from his room...so we started heading there...but west-bound,which is further from the sun than if you travel eastward right? So i started getting doubtful,but Ernie convinced us that it was possible...Fine,so there were no more complaints. But when we got there...it was clear that we wouldn't be able to see it at all! ... There were trees blocking the east view...like,grr. True enough...we could see the sky lighting up,but couldn't see the sun. Nevermind...Ernie was entertainment enough :pp. At maybe...7am..we went back,Amelia was almost falling asleep while walking...how cu-...interesting... :p

Went to check on Beverly...found her stoning on a chair...went to talk to her. She was indeed tired,kept dozing off. I just sat there when she did...loving my sister so much. When I decided that I'll let her sleep undisturbed,I woke her up and told her I would be leaving,and will be back at 9 to make sure she got packed. So I went back to pack,which took only 5 minutes since I am already such an organized person :p.

It was already very bright,went to put down the bags and get breakfast and for my sleeping roommates too,a few who were up followed me and got the idea of sabotaging the food...ha ha ha ha. It worked quite well. 8:55...made sure Rachael & Amelia was up(I asked their roommate,either Clarice or Serene...forgot who was who -.-). Met Beverly on the way,saved me the trouble of going to the room. We attended a end-of-camp briefing...and it was time to go home...It was the best camp so far...I only realized that on the last day: I loved my existing friends a whole lot more,and even made new ones. And most of all,I got changed by Jesus! All of that was what made the whole thing count!

Hi hi...My memory is like,fading,so I better post this now...

 

Day 3, Wednesday 7th December

Woke up at 5:30 again...But didn't set out until maybe almost 6. Decided to head straight to B1...but to my surprise,the gang wasn't there. So I kept on walking,and happened to see them at A4(I think...I know it was A something). They told me they were waiting for Gerard,but did not want to wake him till 6:30. So I waited with them. At 6:30 exactly...they were like "1,2,3, YO!!!" all 4 of them shouted...and (who wouldn't wake up after that?) out came Gerard looking all sleepy...After that,we went to try to wake some other people up...ANd had "breakfast" together at "breakfast" (I'm being mean) time...Skipping to the games,in which we had to find hidden "caches"...Yeah...Quite hard to find. ANyway...I'll post the rest of the day's stuff in another post...ha ha(redundancy)

Okay...where did I leave off? Oh yeah...Day 1

 

Day 1,Monday 5th December(final part of the day)

After the wonderful service( Germaine had left by then,more like chased out actually ),we went back to shower...I was second last in line,so I had the idea of just walking around the chalet,and developed the habit from that moment...I'll tell you how that helped me later on...After I showered,I tried getting to bed...But I just couldn't sleep(I had lots of tea),and of course,it's the last person's turn to shower(I don't wanna use his name). Anyway,for like the first half hour,there was silence in the toilet(what the heck could he be doing inside??)and then finally we heard water running...and we were like:"He's alive!!". And then,the water sounds started dragging on longer(FYI,yes! He was taking a long tiime!)...One hour passed,he was still inside...and he finally came out...We were like "phew"...but five minutes later,he went back in again(What's wrong with this guy??). So you could guess the pattern,it went on till 2 something...then he came out for maybe the forth time and did not go back in...

Day 2,Tuesday 6th December

Woke up at 5:30...Sneaked out of the Chalet to watch sunrise(shh)
Came back at 7+ Went for breakfast(if you call it breakfast!). Went to walk around and around again(I'm gonna call it patrol from now on). Went to see if Amelia,Rachael and Beverly were up yet...they weren't. So I did patrol till maybe 9:45,then I went to serve... After another great service,we went to change for a game called "Extreme Playoffs"...A very tiring game where we had to run all over east coast to get points for doing stuff...in the final challenge,we(only the guys) had to get wet with sea water and get sand over our clothes and brush it off into a garbage bag to try to fill it,in order to use the sand to bury Zenda(Is that how her name is spelt?)...Oh yeah,Joel lost his glasses in the Sea and we didn't find it...so sad. Showered,patrol,went for dinner. Went to serve in service(ha ha,redundant?),and of course,it was great! Better than the last!

Patrol...,I passed B1,I saw Gerard,another guy,and 4 other girls(Ariel,Victoria,Melanie,and Arielle,but I didn't know that yet did I? Aptly named."The Loomer Gang" because Vic always says "loomer"),I said hi,and Gerard was like"See you walk around so much,not sian meh?" and then invited me to join them before curfew(12pm),so I did,and we talked,actually they talked I was more like,"stoning". I went back at about 11:55,and slept at 1+...

Hi...I'm gonna try to make this post as long long long long long long long as possible...ha ha. Which shouldn't be too hard,since so many things happened! Lets try...

Day one...

At around 9:30,I left the house to go to Plaza Singapura because I wanted to go to the comics connection shop to get something for dear sister Isabel...But when I arrived at about 10pm...I noticed that the shop was closed! Like,darn! Nevermind...I waited till about 10:30 and then left for East Coast where I was supposed to meet Rachael & Beverly for lunch at 11,Amelia is MM,so she had to be there early I think. Anyway,when I got there,it was already 11:30! But I did not see many Dare youths around. Like,so weird,so I figured I would go to the ballroom to check if anyone was there. After a while,I realized that I was walking for a long time,so I wandered to the next sign,and it pointed in the opposite direction...like,SIAN!!!! So I had to walk all the way back...  Anyway...the day was a little short. But Germaine came over,so cool! She stayed till dinner...Dinner sucked(shh). Blog later...have loads more to tell