It can't happen like this....Not to me....Keep back....KEEP BACK. I will not lose myself to you...You may be stronger,you may have power...But I have love....You will NOT...NEVER take that away....BACK,I say...

But what's the point....In the end...I need you. I need to feed on your strength...your power....In the end....all that I love...will become an echo.......And all that I love,shall be nothing,but an illusion....It was never there,perhaps.

What am I fighting for? ....I submit.... My heart shall be vunerable no longer.... NO LONGER. What's the point? Your strength is all I need....And all else shall burn and wither in these eyes of fury...

Because

What's the point?

What's the freaking point?

My poems are now gonna be posted at http://prince-seph.deviantart.com/

When I can come on that is

Loudspeaker

To most,I am not
But a whisper in a crowd
Unseen and unheard
Even be I loud

Even when the menace builds
People don't see the sign
I'm just a face,a voice,a number
FINE.

DO Y'ALL WANT A LOUDSPEAKER?!
IT'S NOT A PROBLEM FOR ME
BEWARE WHAT YOU DON'T NOTICE
LEST YOU REGRET WHAT YOU SEE

I CAN GET IN YOUR FACE
AND DROWN OUT THE REST
THAT WAY I'D BE HEARD
WOULDN'T THAT BE BEST?

† ~ Séph ~ †

Poems to come :

Nausea.
Shudder.
MUZZLE.

Okay,here's the thing. I'm not really liking all this. I'm feeling like. "shoot me". But no,I'm not suicidal..Maybe a full moon's coming...Anyway. The outing yestersday...for me...Was really kinda sucky. I mean. I wasn't really there. I wasn't an Extremer. I was just watching ....And ot think...If I hadn't asked,I wouldn't have even known about it.

Note to Extremers: Do not take offence,it's nothing personal,people. I love all of y'all,really. But I'm gonna let "Link" (inner third party person) take over for a while. Just to let off steam.

This is what I felt...In the group,there are the classes

Big people
Small people
Wannabies
Pretenders

And those deemed by the above
Nobodies.
Victims

Neutral parties are
Stoners

Honestly...I won't mention who or what or whatever. But the group looked like it was in parts. There were the people who are the "Big Shots",and they all hang out with the people they like,and barely take notice of the people that don't make such an impact. And they tend to make fun of people. The "small people",are those who are allegedly accepted by the Big Shots,to earn respect,they also make cold jokes and make fun of others. The "wannabies" are those who aren't accepted yet,but strive oh so hard to be. And are second to the Small People. The pretenders are those who act as if they know more,are cooler,or are "funnier". The Stoners are the best. They care not about bullying people,nor are they Wannabies,they are the true soldiers. Solid where they stone.

The other side. The victims...Always at the brunt of a bad joke...Supposedly funny. But Seph thinks not. And thinks it's really really not cool. The nobodies are those who aren't really ignored,but are barely acknowledged. The first to be pushed to a corner,be it in conversation,or recognition.

No...it's not all bad...Like Seph said above,he loves the group,more than he probably should. So there MUST be some things or some people that he cares about,and those people are of course,excluded.

Learn about me in time. I might be invited more often.
ink

Okay I'm back. So yeah. I think all is said. Yes,he might have been a little dramatic,but it's kinda true. Whatever.

HOLD YOUR STONES!

I'm not done yet!

This is the personal thingy I was talking about. Just a little impression.

Alyn - Ha ha,she's changed,I think,from the time I knew her last. For the better
Belle - Ah...the great mind of this young woman. Owe her lots and lots
Cheryl - BUDDY! Hee hee,we can talk lots.
Clinton - Mr. In-Your-Face,always there to give the right dose of blultness,and seems to be a jack of all trades,I mean,he can really do many things.
Derek - Oho,love his hat...other than that. No comment?
Dickson - Also no real comment?
Gervais - This one...Got me into trouble before. Ha ha. J/K In a good way. He can be a good friend. And he's a leader,even if he doesn't know.
Heidi - Also another Leader,in the form of organizing. Ha,best outta all of 'em.
Ivy - Can't say much,just that I've known her name and face from Sub-ed days? Along with Belle and Kezia.
Joel - Hmm...This one...Can really crack me up,honestly. Go figure.
Joshua - PSP HOGGER! Good friend. Mean sometimes,but he's really nice when he's serious.
Jeremy - Ha ha,the bible verse generator. And he makes really funny jokes too.
Kezia - Softspoken,but not to be underestimated k.
Li Hui - PSP HOGGER NUMBER 2! Crazy Taxi Crazy Taxi Crazy Taxi! Lol.
Matthew - I dunno...He's cool...I guess?
Nigell - I never really got used to the polar bear thing,but...Anyway,he's nice and can make good jokes sometimes,sneezes uniquely and draws good cartoons!
Shaun - The Singer. The Fighter. The Sadist. The friend. The End.
Simon - Ha ha,he's pretty much your average must-have-for-outing guy. Acts like a stoner,but he loves Jellybeans. Well...everyone does. Almost.
Shermaine - Uh...No comment? I didn't really talk to her.
Terence - Singer number 2. Quiet in nature,but beware,jokes might suddenly generate from this cool guy.
Wei Hua - Everyone says she's clumsy. I can't tell. Not a bad friend yo.
Yong Xiang - Passive. Laughs funny,as I found out in camp while giving him one of my "Jyuken" thingies

Now you can throw...*runs away*

Okay,let's continue yo. Our second Game was Joseph and his dreams. Which was Pictionary. So Belle was up,since she draws the best. So there we were,guessing..Belle screaming like "No no no" when we got it wrong and...."Yeah yeah!" when we got it right. Cut long story short,we did good yo.

So I'm not gonna put all the details,but the most fun game for me was Jonah. We were to enter this room blindfolded and navigate the obstacles. Here's how I did it.

Nigell's movement.
I kept talking,so I knew how much space I had around me from the sound bouncing off surfaces
Light
People screaming stuff,real givaway

Yeah. Anyway,it was fun. I'm really lazy to type lots now. Anyway.
There was one Game we had to look for,called Solomon's Wisdom,Coach sent Belle and I to go look for it. OMG. We went like all over outside. And we realized,the map sucks like craaaazy. Ah well,in the end,we made our way back,and well,the game turned out to be one of those we saw before....ugh. Felt stupid. So much for IQ.

So like yeah. Anyway,we were collecting puzzle pieces after every game we complete. And well,we had a few pieces missing. But we pretty much got the picture. But we didn't know where the heck the place was. We searched and searched. And just when we were down. Belle was like "hey,what if...[something something something]" And we were like,"uhh". And she went to confirm her theory I followed I think. Turned out....SHE WAS RIGHT. Like wth. I swear she has the glow. Lol. So we finished first,thanks to her. Really really really awesome!

So then we yahm senged to our win and to Belle and that was it. Victory. ^_^
A great part was really God's favour,a few of the games we just breezed through coz...I dunno. Favour la.

Washed up. Dinner. I brought Jellybeans. And and and....Guess what...I saw it happen before it happened,so I wasn't surprised. Ever wonder how I kept a smile on my face when the Jellybean can got turned upside down and 9/10 of the stuff came out? Ha ha,Li Hui was like aplogizing lots,but like I said,I saw it happen before it happened,so I wasn't too upset. ^_^

Okay so service happened,I don't really got alot of time,so I'm gonna just skip that alright?

So after Service,Lionel came to the room to kinda disturb us,I mean,he kept making fun about me being American. Whatever man. So blah blah blah blah,gave Jyuken to Jack and Eugene. Night,slept horridly,Jack Kept SNORING,less Jyuken next time man. Ugh.

Day 3(29 Nov '07) - Mental Day

Morning,nothing much,Breakfast,had peaches....after that...Level session. Was good. Then we had Level games. Kinda lame. Went Joel's to memorize people's profiles. Lunch. Was okay,didn't eat much. Had this High school saga thing. I won't put the whole thing here,but basically we didn't win,coz we thought too much. But I think,if it was a real case,we would've done better. Coz the info was all kinda poorly done. Ha ha,whatever. Dinner.  Then service...was really longgggg,as usual. Ha ha,but it was good! I hugged Beverly,again,after so long. Ha ha. Well,was all good. ^_^
Night,slept on couch,can't stand Jack's snores. Ha ha.

Day 4 & 5(30 Nov '07 & 1 Dec '07) - Vampire Day

Morning,nothing much. Breakfast. Didn't eat much again. Praise and Worship in the morning. Whohoo! Then had Men's and Women's meeting. Lunch. The girls were kinda late. Coz they ended later than us guys. Then we went to Joel's again. Banned from taking stairs. Grr. So we were talking,sharing,coach was there too of course. And we were planning about theme night too. But I knew I couldn't wear anything too much. Serving. Yeah. So like....blah blah blah. Okay,went with Nigell to his room after that. Eurieka! Had an idea for theme night. Left and went to dress. I wore my white jacket inside,Black t-shirt outside,Jeans,socks,Sandals. Ha ha. Oh yeah,Quincy Star necklace as an earring. Huge yo. Yeah.

Went to Alyn's(everyone was meeting there to get a makeover). People said what I wore wasn't really mismatched...and was nice....Like wth. Lol. ANyway,yeah. Dinner! Nice stuff. Ate little,went and served...Was at camera this time. Yeah.

Won't post EVERYTHING. But I just gotta say,StormTroopers rock yo! And Dickson and his "baby". Ha ha ha ha. Yeah,it was just really really really fun. ^_^

And EXTREME FREAKIN WON YO! Yeahhhhhhhhhh. Above and beyond the others. It was really favour. 2nd year in a row yo. Yeah.

I went back to room...Got bored. Did my face with some sith markings. And wore my robe. And my mask. People saw me when I came out of the room. And they all thought I was someone else,lol. Awesome. Went to Joel's again. And like....slacked soooooooo sooooooooooo sooooooo much. Ha ha. Number Game Truth or Dare yo! Hee hee,can't tell details. But it was freaking funny for those who were awake.

We tried to get food,but...ah,to no avail. Actually,once,the food almost came. I think prolly coz Jeremy was all like,"I dunno what to do....I'm starving....What to do.....". All over the room service,and then hung up. Few minutes later,phone rang...Jeremy picked up,and said to us...."bad news...the food is coming in ten minutes...." coz most of them were sleeping,so he cancelled the order.... T_T

About an hour later. Shermaine,Jeremy,Ivy and me went to get cards,then went down to get "food". But no one did in the end. We played ONE card game and they all wanted to go and sleep. Omg. And sleep they did,at some couch area. And I was the ONLY one awake from Extreme....Ah....I so saw it coming. So....all the way,I drew,paced...pondered. Till 7:30am. The three of them woke up coz the guards were like,pacing and urging them to wake up....For what reason...I know not....Anyway. Yeah,went back to room. Packed. And slept for 20 minutes. Woke up...blah blah. Checked out. Met people for breakfast. By now. Of course,I prefered to hang with some people,and hung with them I did. Yeah. So....Camp closing and all,and then bus ride. Ha ha,this time,the bus ride was pretty interesting. Yeah. No time to post everything...so...yeah,back to Singapore. And we all were like "SINGAPORE FOOD",but in the end...We ate Macs and Subway. Lol.

~The sorta END~

Next post I would write about today's Extreme outing...the bonds that are hanging by threads of superficiality,and the bonds that are more than natural. And of course,A personal message from me about each one who went for camp. Personal.

Okay well,I'm gonna write the whole thing. Look alive people,this is gonna be long.

Day 1(27 Nov '07)  - Boredom

Okay,I woke up at 5.45am. Did usual Morning stuff and finished designing my mask. I checked my bags like a dozen times,left at 6.15am. Bus. People staring. Whatever. So I met EXTREME at Macs. Breakfast. Didn't know some people,but it was fine. Derek's hat was so love. Lol,weird lingo. Anyway. Niceeee hat. Did I mention that Macs don't give enough syrup in that little package? Cheapskate...Redesign,people,redesign.  So...went to 4th floor,put my bags down down down( I had 3). Katie was our bus captain. She came up to me and spoke softly. "Hey,could you change your t-shirt?". I looked from my shirt to her face,and back to my shirt. And she laughed a little and explained that there's nothing wrong with it,just that it was orange. The riot thing...You know.

Anyway,I sat,but I was kinda spaced out...I mean,there were certain people I wished could come for camp,like Tessa,Vic,so on...Anyway. Coach Julian saw me with the passive face I think,and beckoned. He asked what was wrong,like most people do. Never able to answer that question properly,so I just said that I was thinking,which was true yo.

On the bus,didn't do much,Josh kept hogging the PSP! Managed to play a little Bleach,Coach Julian played too,and he won. T_T  Wow,first time yo. Talked to people,watched Negima a little. Well...boredom. Let's talk about the Chinese Restaurant. Decor was fine I guess...Food? THE FOOD WAS LIKE. OMG XP
And the soup...THE SOUP. Here are the ingredients:

Sea water
Salt
Salt
Salt
Salt
Salt
Salt
Vegetables

I think I can be head soup-chef too. ^_^
Everything else,was okay I guess. Not too bad yo. Oh yeah,there was this manager lady,she BARKS. Arf arf RAWRF! At the waitresses. And they all spoke Cantonese. Ugh,can't understand.

After Lunch,back on the bus. More boredom. Blah blah. Ate boredom away,oreos saved the day. Okay...blah blah blah,boom! We're there.

Nice place...Mariott Hotel. I walked in,Eugene saw me and passed me the Key. Well...Saves the trouble of collecting it later. Briefing...BORING. I mean,out CC was so....Whatever. He's Mr Whatever from now on k. Shan't comment too much,just that he looks constipated half the time... JK JK ,It's just that he looks kinda unhappy. Nice guy I think. Blah blah. Rooms,then dinner. Not bad food yo. Everyone loved the Spaghetti(can't spell darn it). Wasn't bad. Then Service,was serving...Was sleepy though. Was the star one I think...yeah,about how every star has a name. ^_^

Service ended...I didn't have to pack...Beverly had a sore leg and was waiting for the medic. So I pat my dear friend on the head,and whispered to God before I left.
Tiring day,so I kinda got to sleep fast. Slept well too. ^^

Day 2(28 Nov '07) - The True Beginning Of Camp

Woke up AFTER Jack....like,wow,no way yo. Showered,usual stuff. Breakfast. Had Cereal with not-so-cold milk. And for once since I met my new group,I watched. Each one. I even did my watching "pose" to pretend I was being passive. Once I saw enough,and tagged a few,I made my way to the ballroom. Peer said that there shouldn't be anything needed from me,but I hung around for a while. Got tea,coffee,and orange juice for sound people. And some sanity for the not-so-sound. Ha ha,joke. Anyway,It was men's and women's meeting,so the genders had to separate and go to different places. Guys stayed in the ballroom. Girls went down. And Yuki left her tea there. T_T

First thing was acoustic P&W lead by Sean. No lyrics at first,coz Peer said they weren't needed. Then I saw those all-too-familiar white words flashing horribly...I walked menacingly to the back to do it myself...Then the guy at the controls said,"not doing today?"(he's one of the tech people there)...I so wanted to hurl some of my....nevermind....I didn't,that's the point,I smiled(fakely of course),and did it.

After P&W,we had some lame game lead by Mr Whatever himself....Whatever yo....Let's skip to lunch!

By this time,I already pretty much knew who everyone in my DG was,their habits,who they like to hang with,who they kinda avoid,who they kinda fancy....blah blah blah. I'm not called "watcher" for nothin'. I love them anyway.

The Game

That day's game...Mighty Men's the name. Fun fun fun. I don't remember the precise order,but oh well.

Our first task was to dance for Joy...You know...Joy,the singer. Ha ha. Yeah,another group was there too,but we were there first...uh huh. We were supposed to dance to really mismatched music and make everyone laugh or at least smile. She played it once for us to hear,and gave us a few minutes to come up with dance moves. Boom! Gervais was all over it...bursting with ideas,he went on and on. Ha,my only input was that we couldn't do anything normal,we're EXTREME man...Done....

We were up first and we went:

1.Crazy Frog - We did some weird ah beng drunk thing,but fine,it was funny.
2.Some chinese song(Ai Ai Ai or some crap like that) - We guys "proposed" to the gals
3. Phantom of The Opera(I think?) - We did ballet T_T
4. Some indian music - We did a malay traditional dance,like rowing a boat and throwing flowers. Go figure
5. Macarina(sp check?) - This one we went crazy...we were like pretending to cook something,adding spices and stirring and all that. And at the "hey MACARINA",we lifted our hands in finale of food being cooked to perfection.

Yeah,that's us. EXTREME yo.

Then the other group's turn,they were good. But we were extreme. Verdict...We got the full 20 points! The other group got a good 17 points too...But us....We had our first victory...

Well,it's late. I'll write more tomorrow. Ja mata. ^_^

Camp....CAMP!! OMG it feels as if it lasted for a day....Dream....Dream....Like a dream it seems....Ugh....AH well,made friends. OH YES....HA HA. Found more people who glow...yes yes...The Glow....Like,go figure.

Anyway...I usually put this really long post about camp...And I still might. But for now...Short version.

Okay First day was really slack. On the bus...Played Bleach...Watched Negima...Talked....Blah blah. We stopped at this Chinese Restaurant...And the soup was like....Water+Lots and lots of salt+Veggies. And there,soup recepie of the year yo.

Anyway....Oh yeah,EXTREME roll call. Alyn,Belle,Cheryl,Clinton,Derek,Dickson,Gervais,Heidi,Ivy,Joel,Josh,Kezia,Li Hui,Matthew,Nigell,Shaun,Shermaine,Simon,Wei Hua,Yong Xiang.

Yeahh....Anyway,when we got there it was all really....whatever. Our camp commandant or whatever was so....Whatever...Yeah. Then poiehjqihewiqhjfdouwh. Dinner,Service. And sleep...(Jack snores btw...ugh)

Day 2.

This was when camp kinda really began.

Breakfast in the morning. Then Men's and Women's meeting. Very w/e...but w/e yo.
Lunch...Then hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. AWESOME GAME. Mighty Men it's called. I can't remember the order,but I know we ran around alot (I have phonagraphic memory people). Okay well,I only remember the big ones. I loved Jonah and the Whale's belly or whatever. We had to navigate this room,blind-folded! FUN FUN FUN. There were tables and chairs all over the place and we had to listen to instructions and follow the person in front of us...At least try. But everyone knows about my ears...You know...about me being....anyway....Yeah.

Oh crap...no time...Continue some other time...Ja ne.

There are people out there
That you feel naturally drawn to
You might not know them well
And they,little of you

But it doesn't change
This truth of fact
That these people are precious
Like makers of a pact

A smile from one of these
May lift you so
But a frown or downturn face
Can grief you way low

They are important
And we know them better than we think
After all
There is a supernatural link

Of course,some may not notice
That these people aren't pros
They may be people that you notice least...
Just under your nose

† ~ Séph ~ †

Yes...I always have alot to say. But yet I don't talk alot. Ho hum...Why so? Go figure.

Well,what is it going to be today? More lamentations? Maybe...

Let's just say...I feel like Jacen...I used to love everyone,want to take care of them.
I used show kindness. People used to think I was nice. But...For the longest of times,people forget my birthday. Well,not such a big thing,I don't really care much for the celebrations myself. Anyway,now it's as if,I see. At my age,people lack commitment,that's why friendships are so...Flimsy...No one can say,"Don't worry,I'll always be there for you" and mean it. Well,it's be stupid to expect that anyway. No one is perfect. Certainly not I. It just feels so frustrating...to be so different. Why do I see things differently? It seems as if most people are mad...Or maybe,I'm the mad one. Ah. Perception,perception,how complicated thou art.

Anyway...Same old same old. It's almost as if I expect myself to be so...good. That's why I'm disappointed in me. I've never had real friends,although,what that even mean,I don't know yet. But I know,I know that it must be more than what I see around me. It's too...shallow. The bible speaks of friendship that can be closer than siblingship...Or whatever the word is. I don't doubt it,but I also think...It ain't gonna be easy. Friends from childhood can always forget who you are...I was naive once,to think that people I've known for a long time would be better friends...Hah...That's as true as the moon is blue! Anyway,I'm outta time. I'll meditate more...I'll be back for sure.