Oh wow,pastor mentioned a glow in certain people.
Like,wow. See,I'm not crazy.

Anyway,yesterday kinda sucked. Saturday too.

Am I invisible or something? Some people talk to everyone! To people they don't really know even. But when they see me? They look straight through. On purpose? No...but why can't they see me as any other odinary friend?

I'm not invisible
I'm not a pushover
I can get angry
But you never ever want me too.

AND I FREAKIN HATE YOU PEOPLE LOOKING PAST ME...

My swords are better of course...but still...I can't say I ain't referring to them...

The music so fits my life. Anyway. The FourSwords™ have been created. It's FourSwords not Four Swords,so get it right. The idea came from the fact that I found 2 more people who had "the glow",Cress and Paul,so it became Me,Arielle,Paul,Cress,so there were four,and all were completely different,therefore I thought of the four elements. Then,I realized,there wil be more people,(12 in total something told me). So I thought,four elements,yes,but 3 people to one element,since 12 is a multiple of 4. So,in a way,each "sword" is one of 4. So,yeah,and Ariel recently joined our bond,so I polled and she got wind,ha ha. I can't wait till we get our 12. So anyway,a FourSword is an instrument of God,every sword lives to serve. And no,it's not some gang which you have to do something to get in or whatever. Because each sword has "the glow",the inexplainable connection to one another. So yeah,that's how it is. I know so many of you may think I'm crazy to create something like this,but I believe that The FourSwords are real,and that we can show God's glory to the world.

Ignited flame in my heart
Love's water in my eyes
Mad earth spinning around me
Serene wind carrying my cries

My soul is ablaze
Just because you're here
And the fire never dies
Even when you aren't near

Though I still cry
Whenever I miss you
Heaven's water joins mine
Is God crying too?

The path I tread upon
Love's difficult ground
On it,I run along
Not making a sound

Even the wind speaks of you
It whispers your name
But really...
Am I to blame?

There's no point denying
What good will it do?
Even the elements show me
That I'm in love with you...

† ~ Séph ~ †

Day 3 & 4

I woke up at like,7 something. Breakfast was not till about 8:30. Uh huh. So I think I ate with umm...my group? I can't remember again. Oh yeah,had breakfast with Marlon. Ha ha. Anyway,then we went for service. Wasn't serving for once. Hee hee

Service was AWESOME. Maybe coz I sat in. But anyway,at the beginning,when they were still playing the games,Jon didn't feel well,so Marlon and I brought him to the Medic. Then we brought him back to the room and stayed for a while to make sure he was okay. After which,we went back down for service.Pastor(Dan) asked for the coaches and YLs to pray for us and annoint us with oil(which was really the olive oil I saw 2 days ago). Yeah. I was really touched. Then I started speaking to Him,I said that I wanted to lead His people,that I wanted to touch millions. And then,Coach Jason came and prayed for me. He started with:"Faithful server. God has not forgotten you.". And then he just talked to me,he said that I was goning to move nations. Would you believe that? Related to what I asked God,no? And he said other things also which I don't want to share openly. But one thing's for sure,I cane to camp,expecting something small. And God gave me something soooooooooo huge! And my life just changed in that hour. Oh wait,I'm not done. When half the people were already sitting,myself included. I saw a few coaches roaming about us. I saw a coach pray for someone who was seated. And I was like,"oh,interesting". Then I saw coach Julian roaming around my area,and I wondered who he was looking for ya know? Then,when he saw me,he was like,"ah". And I was like,"oh?". ANd then he prayed for me. About things. Destiny and stuff,mostly mirroring what coach Jason said. But the thing is...Move nations? Where the heck did that desire come from? ANd two coaches saying the same thing? Hmm...

After the ministering,we had songs. I kept crying. Ha ha. Then when I really couldn't take it,I went over to Rachael and told her to go and have fun. So I served the rest of the way till service ended.

Anyway. I don't really remember,but I think after that,Marlon and I went back to the room,talked to Jon and slacked. Then we split for lunch and had our DG Time. We all shared about our personal experiences. Mine included. Coach Hee Jhun came by for a while to return me my cash. >.<    WHY? Lol. Anyway,then he explained what I did,and that he was proud of how far outta our way we would go for our group. Oh,and Deaconess Karen came by after he left. And shared with us too! :)

Okay,I'm running outta time,my mom wants me to go soon.

So after that,we had our showers and went for dinner i our Dare Express costumes. I so wanted to wear my robes. But my group theme was "The Lion,The Witch,And The Wardrobe". And I.WAS.A.LAMPOST....... ... ... Uh huh. I had this mask,which I couldn't really see through. Lol.

Anyway,we I put a glowstick through my mask so that it looked like the lamp had a light. Ha ha. Nigell was Aslan,he looked cool lol. Jedidiah looked cool in his armor too. There were others also. But coz of time I won't name all. We went in,and we had this spectacular show. Johnny Boy was Darth Maul and Dora was an Axe Gang Member. I really wished I had wore my robes. Then I could have looked like Maul's master or something. ANyway,we had a show. The coaches were all superheroes,ha ha. Really cool. We had a best-dressed competition and stuff. OMG Marlon was so funny in his Nemo costume,he was virtually blind and was walking by faith! Oh yeah. The Sam Group,as they were introduced did "Take It All" by Hillsong United. Sam as lead. Ha ha ha ha. A bit weird but overall good. Then Laura's band did "Superman" or something like that. Yeah. Long story short. My group Won among the upper sec! Yay huper 1!

Then we had ULTIMATE P&W,as per camp tradition,after which Pastor had this free-sharing session before continuing. :)
(Oh yeah,I had taken over serving again since it's Amelia's last camp)

Okay. After we finished,I looked for Arielle,coz I had spotted her earlier. I asked her if she was okay. And she was like,"yeah,see?".*jump*. Ha ha. Then I helped Jer Liang pack up. Then I turned and saw alot of people just beginning to pray for someone. I walked over and saw Cress on a wheelchair. So I joined in. ANd I saw Rachael and Amelia join in from the corner of my eye.

When we finished,I saw Arielle outside the Ballroom. Her ankle was hurting coz of her knee problem. So I stayed. Then the medics came,and asked me to gather people to pray for her. When people were all gathered around her,Coach Hee Jhun was suddenly like,"Joasseph,how about you pray for her?". I went pale. I mean,only some people would know why,and I almost started when Xiao Ping(a medic) saved me and said something. Then I think Coach saw my freaked out face and decided to pray for her himself with us of course. So we did just that. And then came the question,how was Arielle gonna get back to her room? Then I had an idea,see,I'd had seen Gerard in a wheelchair a day before and that day. So I suggested that Arielle be put in a wheelchair too. So the medics said okay and that I should get one from the reception. So I raced away.

When I got to reception,I found out that they had only had one wheelchair,and it was on loan already. So it doesn't take a genius to figure that Gerard had the only wheelchair in that place. I almost raced to find him,before realizing that I didn't know where he was. So I ran back to the ballroom and relayed the situation and asked Arielle where Gerard was. Outside her room,she said. And without thinking,I said:"Okay,be right back". And took off. Almost at the top of the stairs Arielle shouted something and I flushed with embarassment,but I just smiled and gave a thumbs up,not knowing how to react to a "YOU ROCK!".

Ran. Ran to the 5th floor. Got wheelchair and brought it back down to the ballroom. Put her on it,and with help,carried wheelchair with her on it up the flight of stairs. Yeah,then went back to her room.

Slacked lots there,brought Oreos,which Valen completely OWNED. Lol. Then all went to Darryl and Nigell's room. ANd then some things happened which I cannot say. If you wanna know,you gotta ask me yourself.

Morning,breakfast with Usuals. Packed and went to ballroom. Took pictures. Then left for bus.

Bus Trip Back

Wow,the bus trip was fun really. Timothy was talking to us and making songs(and making fun of people,those who were there should know ;p ). Sean too. And towards the end,we got lost,lol,in Singapore. But Tim helped us fill the time. There was this girl on the street,which Tim asked us all to wave at her,and she waved back! Ha ha! She had a completely priceless look on her face.

Anyway,had dinner at mickeys,talked to Arielle and Paul and Nigell,Jack,Cress and some Usuals a bit. Then went home. Camp was great! And I have changed indeed.

To the Loomer people:I miss y'all and I love y'all. And I hope I can hang with y'all often.

To the Usuals:I love y'all lots! Thanks for accepting me k? Y'all mean alot.

To my new friends,Paul,Thomas,Valentia,Jedidiah,Cressebella,Laura,Reginald:It's really great meeting y'all.

To my bondmate with the "glow" - You're my best friend and I love you,and thanks for always being there when I look for you.

To my really cool friend from Aikos - I will always be your friend and stand up for you. Always. Don't have to worry about me fleeing okay? No matter what people say.

And others I don't have time to mention. Thanks for being my friends and it's really a blessing to have y'all around. ^^

Day 1

After the Bus trip,which was,well,sorta uneventful. We straightaway were instructed to put down our bags and change for the games,then we had the games briefing.

1st Game:DARE MEGATHON

We started off with one-legged catching against Super D 1. Saw some pepople I knew over there,Yong De,Amelia,Rachael,Marlon,Melanie,and some others. We had 3 rounds,there were 4 catchers per group who were supposed to hop on one leg,and everyone else had to run. Yeah. In a really small place. Yeah. Uh huh. Anyway,it was really close,but we won! :)

Then we went on to Baseball. Which,included batting with a paper bat wrapped in plastic. The "balls" were water bombs. Yeah. In the end. We lost 9 - 12. Not too bad la.

Then the last game was Ultimate Frisbee. We lost 1 -0. But it was really fun. Nigell is the BEST keeper ever. Ha ha. Really.

 

Went back to my room,I was the room I/C. But I didn't know my two roomates,but nvm. I had a shower and went for dinner with my group I think. Yeah. Hmm. Anyway. Of course I wanted to sit with umm,a certain other people. But I didn't. But my groups great too la. Then we had our first service of the camp! And it was just great,though I hadn't felt anything yet.
After service,I packed some stuff into a smaller bag and went to Marlon's room for the night.

Day 2

Woke up at 6:30. Walked around. Walked around. Till like,the time breakfast started. Then had breakfast,with Gerard and some guy who I forgot,and then when they left I sat with Eugine and his friends,and some people I knew. After we had breakfast,Eugine and I decided to wake the other sleepyheads in the room up:Jack,Marlon,Johnathan. So we did that. And then we all rushed off,coz most of us needed to serve.

Then we had service. And I still didn't really receive much yet. But it was great anyways.

Then we had Lunch. I sat with...umm....Arrgh. Cannot remember. Then we went to the Ballroom for the briefing for the next game and to know our groups' current standing. Huper 1 was 3rd. So...HA HA. :D

2nd Game:DARE MAFIA

Yups. It was something like Mafia. Only on a much much much bigger scale. And people don't die. Instead,someone from every group would be kidnapped. In our case,it was Bryan. Lol. We were given a crossward puzzle and a map. We were supposed to aquire 1mil in order to free our poor Bryan. We also had to solve the crossword puzzle. The Mafia gave question to the puzzle,but also gave us afflictions. The detective helps us with a question,and protects us from afflictions. The doctor,well,heals afflictions. First,we went to the playground and did a rather fast and easy treasure hunt. And got 700 000- in that game. More than half the bulk gone already. Then we went for a swim,another sort of treasure hunt. Then we completed "Saucy". Where we first rolled in sauce,then rolled on sand. A bit like "muah chee".

Anyway,then we did some green bean thing. But before that,Jaqueline wanted me to lead everyone in a song. Like....OKAY. Then Nigell came up with the Jaqueline song that I had to sing. It was a stupid song,but okay,fine. Then we did the green bean thing. We were almost done. The last thing to do was to find...MAFIAS.

You see,we had the money. But we didn't have the questions. And I must say,I'm pretty good at answering questions.Hee hee. God's wisdom. Oh yeah,at this point,we had 2 people with the laughing disease,and 4 people with the spastic disease.

So we looked for coaches,entertained them and all that. Then we were at our final coach. Coach Hee Jun. Aww man. He made it tough for us. Must be because we stank. He made us entertain him. And he was not easy to please okay. Coach Lily came meanwhile. Then after we had succeeded. He was like,"hmm,it's a hot day,where can you find a water of CLEAN water for coach lily over here?". Then two of my group mates ran off tofind clean water. Then,a thought. A shop was no more than what...10 metres away. Surely it had water. So I ran with Nigell into the shop and hastily bought 2 bottles of water and brought it back to coach Hee Jun. He was pleased. Finally. He let us off with the last question,which we solved,and Coach Mel ran up to present the answer,or something. We couldn't go to the ballroom since we were "Muah cheed". Meanwhile. I think coach Hee Jun found out that we had bought the water,then I thought at first I was in trouble,coz his face was suddenly so serious and all. Then he took out his wallet and wanted to pay me back. I was shocked. Like,why would he wanna do that?! Anyway,he didn't have change,but he promised to pay me. Like...okay.

Anyway,we were done. So we were able to go back to our rooms and SHOWER. Oh,we were soooo oily from "Saucy",and it was good to shower even if the water was cold. When I had finished,I noticed Rachael and Amelia returning from the games only just. It seemed like we finished fast. Then I found out from my groupmates that we had finished 2nd. YAY! That means 20 000 points! We were ahead now. The 1st group was lower sec,so they weren't competing with us.

Had dinner with Marlon and Jack. Expressed to Marlon that I really missed hanging with the Loomers. But I felt that I wasn't really welcome,like,not a part of them anymore. Anyway,then went for service. I wanted to sit in. But so did Rachael. So she promised to serve the next day and I said okay. Service got better. But I still didn't get what I was looking for...

After service I went to my room and brought stuff to Marlon's room just like the day before. And I brought my robes. Hee hee.

In the room,Marlon and Jon were making calls,some prank,some just to see who's in what room. Then I changed into my robes and almost went out,but Jon wanted to wear them. So I lent it to him and my lightsaber too. Then we went around talking to people. Went to Loomer's room for a while,Vic wasn't there though. She didn't really hang out with them la. Then got kinda chased out by some people. But I won't say here. Ask me if you wanna know. Anyway,went around with Jon a bit more. Then went back to the room.Josh was there for a while. Then he left us to rest. I couldn't sleep. And I guess Marlon and Jon couldn't too. Coz they were talking in hushed voices. I meditated. Till i overheard some things. Then joined the conversation. After a while,they fell asleep. I tried to sleep. But couldn't. So I went out. It was like,3 am. I wrote. I came back in and wrote some more and fell asleep at 4.

K. Write about the last night soon. Nights. :)

How long? How long till I become consumed? How much more of *nothing* can I take till I fall to the "dark side"?

Many claim to be my friend...some or most...

LIARS...

I'm merely someone who is needed,was,needed. No longer,so now I fade into the darkness once again. A spent power. A spent person. Trust. Heh. Trust was always my problem...always trusted my friends...too much,I think. My ability to become "invisible" only reflects what I am to the people around me. Invisble...Then every now and then someone would be,"where's Joasseph?" and I'd "appear" again. Nothing I did. I wasn't really invisible...merely overlooked. Fools. They underestimate me. Just because I do not show my anger and frustration,doesn't mean I'm not capable. I have such hatred...it's hard to hide,and yet I do.  Any such display of anger would be a step toward the dark side. And what can be worse than hurting all those I love? Even if they don't love me back? Those I love...no matter how much or long:

Amelia
Arielle
Ariel
Asher
Benjamin
Beverly
Celeste
Cheryl
Christel
Dean
Eugine
Gerard
Germaine
Gervais
Jack'al
Jerald
Jer Liang
lil' Johnathan
Joshua(logi)
Marlon
Melanie
Nikki
Rachael
Sam
Victoria
Yixin

There are probably more I failed to mention. For them,I have to prevent myself from becoming that which I despise. But still...who can I trust anymore?

In this upturned world
Who can you trust?
Who can you rely on?
Who won't leave you to dust?

Friends unappreciate
And strike you with words
They care no longer
How much you really hurt

Love becomes scarce
Anger is shown more
And suddenly they find you
Just...a bore

All you *friends* who read this
Hear my call...
I want you to tell me
Can I trust you at all?

† ~ Séph ~ †

I mean it you guys...If I still mean anything to any of you....Those of you who read this anyway,let me know...I need to know...

Hello everyone. I've not been online for soooooooooooooooooo long. Well anyway. Where should I start? Okay,well. My birthday this year...was nothing really special. Not many remembered. :(      But it's okay. I guess. At least some did :D Too bad my best friend couldn't be with me.

Anyway. Here are two of my newest. One of them I'm gonna give to someone.

Steven Curtis Chapman is my inspiration for these two poems. :D

Day of Reckoning

There will be a day
When no one needs to beg for food
There will be a day
When life is forever good

This day is coming
When we can rejoice and shout
Jesus is coming
Without a doubt

No more wars
No more diseased
Where kids can play in the rain
With joy released

Anxiously I wait
Awaiting this day
When all my tears and pain
Will be washed away

Forever...

† ~ Séph ~ †

Last Day(Remake)

Before my eyes
An accident caused much pain
A life,perished
Before I blinked again

Then this thought I couldn't ignore
As I walked away
What would I do
If this should be my last day

So much unsaid
Too much undone
But all worth it
If my last moments were with one

If this should be
The last day that I own
To one person
Must this be known
:
I always loved you
That never changed
I was not a fool to do so
I was not deranged

Before I leave this world
If I spent my last second with you
It would be worth it
Of all the things I do...

† ~ Séph ~ †

Okay,I wrote this. I guess it's interesting coz it goes deep. Yes it has an underlining meaning,an insight to my life. How many of you understand? (And yes,poem name from the song written by Ayumi Hamasaki,coz I met this friend around the time I first heard the song)

BLUE BIRD

I just stepped out one day
And I found you
Special,unique
And bright too

We started talking
And it was great for a while
I was beginning to think
We could go the mile

Then I scared you
And you flew away
I did not mean to do it
I swear,I say

Now I stare into the sky
With a fully opened door
Hoping,praying
That you'll come here once more

I miss being your friend
Though short the time may be
But still...
It was special and precious
To me...

† ~ Séph ~ †

I don't know what I feel. There's like two sides to me....On one hand,I'm really okay,I let everything slide,knowing it's gonna be alright in the end. My other side is the "But". Like right now for instance? I feel outcasted again,maybe because I'm envious? From the petty things,for example,why doesn't anyone come to my blog...And the not so petty things,like,there must be some reason why I'm so not involved in what my friends do. WHY? It sucks. Some people,hold me for one moment,drop me the next. Why then do I let anyone hold me? Because I need it...Old friends,new ones. They're all the same...save for a few who have known me longer. But the rest,the rest....Just...So. Maybe they feel that I don't wanna be involved? But know what? I'm not missed. Or maybe just no one tells me so. Maybe "Beaver" and Nikki are the only ones...I've always had a problem with trust. But can you blame me? I've supposedly got many "friends",but...LEFT OUT? YOU WANNA TALK LEFT OUT? WELCOME TO MY WORLD. Omg...I feel so schizo. I go out,smiling at the people around me. Comforting the world. When all along I'm the one who needs it. I wonder if anyone sees that. Arielle sensed my loneliness before... But if there was anything I learnt from Sam...it's that I AM A PRINCE. It's in my very nickname. I should know better to remember that. It's gonna be okay. I just need to believe that. Though.......it's not as easy as it sounds...

Oh my soul cries out,from the inside out...

I realize that I'm quite okay really. Ya know. Dear "Beaver" can really cheer me up just by talking to me. THANK YOU SO MUCH! It's great to have her as a friend. I know everything will be okay,as long as I have Jesus,and her. Best friends make a difference. Coz she sure did. She's a friend made in heaven :)

I called,you answered. And you came to my rescue and I,wanna be where you are.

THANK YOU JESUS!