There are people out there
That you feel naturally drawn to
You might not know them well
And they,little of you

But it doesn't change
This truth of fact
That these people are precious
Like makers of a pact

A smile from one of these
May lift you so
But a frown or downturn face
Can grief you way low

They are important
And we know them better than we think
After all
There is a supernatural link

Of course,some may not notice
That these people aren't pros
They may be people that you notice least...
Just under your nose

† ~ Séph ~ †

Yes...I always have alot to say. But yet I don't talk alot. Ho hum...Why so? Go figure.

Well,what is it going to be today? More lamentations? Maybe...

Let's just say...I feel like Jacen...I used to love everyone,want to take care of them.
I used show kindness. People used to think I was nice. But...For the longest of times,people forget my birthday. Well,not such a big thing,I don't really care much for the celebrations myself. Anyway,now it's as if,I see. At my age,people lack commitment,that's why friendships are so...Flimsy...No one can say,"Don't worry,I'll always be there for you" and mean it. Well,it's be stupid to expect that anyway. No one is perfect. Certainly not I. It just feels so frustrating...to be so different. Why do I see things differently? It seems as if most people are mad...Or maybe,I'm the mad one. Ah. Perception,perception,how complicated thou art.

Anyway...Same old same old. It's almost as if I expect myself to be so...good. That's why I'm disappointed in me. I've never had real friends,although,what that even mean,I don't know yet. But I know,I know that it must be more than what I see around me. It's too...shallow. The bible speaks of friendship that can be closer than siblingship...Or whatever the word is. I don't doubt it,but I also think...It ain't gonna be easy. Friends from childhood can always forget who you are...I was naive once,to think that people I've known for a long time would be better friends...Hah...That's as true as the moon is blue! Anyway,I'm outta time. I'll meditate more...I'll be back for sure.

Okay fine,so I'm a mess. And I need someone to talk to. People say I'm a hard man. Even my Mom says I'm old....OLD....I didn't just mature. It seemed like I aged. Darn,I'm only 16,for crying out loud! But still,I need someone to have a serious talk with...Honestly,no crap this time,for those of you who call me friend(if any),I know y'all might want to help and stuff,but I need someone who can talk seriously,not pretend to. I don't want those who lie to themselves either...Coz,that's not being mature. I know,I do it all the time.

A guy would be best...darn,now many times have I dragged my lady friends into my emotional life when they can't really take it or don't really care? It's really time I started facing everything. If you want to talk about sides,it's like this. I save all the best for DG meetings and a bit for Dare. A facade for school,and the deep thinking and hardness when I'm alone. On Sundays it can go either way...

Who am I really? God's child...I am a child of God who is okay with sacrifice. People come and go...I always care about those who pass by,but when they leave. What? Am I supposed to grieve and say...why why why why why? No freaking way....I used to be like that. Still am,actually,just less. What made me like this? I can take most things in my stride. Keep walking....Keep living. Betrayal is normal...I can smile at it nowadays and say..."ha,saw that coming". Has God made me so callous? Or is this a result of spending most of my time in solitude?

Right now,I just need someone who can talk,I freaking need to talk. I'm not a quiet person,really,just serious. I try and lighten up from time to time...And that's good. But really,I don't want to talk to my mother or any other adult. I need a friend...Ha...Whatever the word "friend" really means...Such an abused word...

I am always full of love. Of course,that comes from God,but,I take friendship really really seriously. Being blunt is fine,I like frankness. Saves time. What I can't stand are people who always have to outshine others. I know this,I know that. Maybe because,I don't like myself doing that. I hate it. People who pretend to know what being a "friend" means...Rriiiiiiiiight...I haven't broken a promise. If I have,REMIND ME.

Anyway,enough running around the bush. I'm sick and tired of facades...I'm a hard man,and I don't want to be. I want to be able to cry for the loss of something. I want something to matter. I want someone to matter. Not counting family. Darn,is there really another person out there who would talk about the opposite gender other than body parts? Who wouldn't talk about how much he/she knows about guns/cars/celebs/weapons/fighting.

I think I repeated lots of points but....
Damn...I need a shrink.

Some weird things change your life,and this is one of them. Think I'm talking about the school thing? WRONG.

Look at the heading,then look at this.

 

 

Some of you might say. "So what?". But I think it's so friggin cute! I swear,it never fails to cheer me up. Especially "L"'s,priceless face. I can even imagine "L" saying "Buh!~". Ha ha ha ha

 

And this too. You have to watch (or read) both Bleach and Death Note to understand though.

I REALLY cannot imagine "L" doing that "Bwahahaha" thing. Well,then again,if Rukia can do it...

 

And lastly,this one is a little crude,but I think everyone who watches Bleach can understand his feelings.

You can almost hear him thinking..."Matsumoto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And yes,that is the middle finger,I think.

So...Let's see

Sorry,Danial. I think you got it kinda hard. You never were the kind tell me my mistakes much. Though I wouldn't mind if you had. Thing is,I was selfish to think that everyone can take pointers as harmlessly as I could. I will make an apology to you personally,but it'll be a few days till I see you. So,sorry. We don't have to be friends,but believe me when I say,I never had ill intentions for you.

As for Melvin. I believe that it all kinda started with you,and that throughout school life,I insulted you the most. Well,I have to admit,at least,that I did think that you didn't pay enough attention to your studies and more attention to "owning" (not that I'm that much different),but you did prove me wrong by scoring pretty well in your prelims. If you'd taken CLB,you'd have owned me flat(if you haven't owned me already...I'm not too sure). Many of the times I willingly insulted you,was probably because I hate it when you turn into a christian when you want something from me,then claim that you're not,when you're fine and all. So it's true,sometimes I can't stand you,but then,sometimes we're the best of friends. Life's like that. I should have taken your feelings into consideration,but I didn't. So,I AM sorry even if my pride doesn't allow me to say it. So I will try to say it to you myself,as long as you aren't hostile.

Now for the rest,is there anyone else I still owe an apology to? Tell me,spam me,flame me,whatever.

Here's the new deal. If any of you from my class(who currently hates me) ever considered me a friend at all. I'll apologize. If you never were my friend or never considered me one. Hate me all you want.  But I only respect those who can be mature about it.

Since people have been coming to my blog lately,might as well post something. How about...School?

Well,it seems that I talk behind people,or so they say. Truth is. I do. But I always speak truth. Either that,or it's something I won't mind saying to that person. For example,Melvin,I did tell him that he didn't have a life,playing dota all day. But then,we were friends at that time,so it was a joke,and we both laughed about it. He even agreed. Anyway,it's amazing that with so many people hating me,I can still stand upright. It's been fun being classmates with them and being friends with Melvin. At that time,I did say that I didn't have friends in school. Besides him,a brother. Maybe that's why I'm not that bothered. I saw it coming anyway,heck,in fact I told Melvin that it was gonna happen,if he can remember. Well,anyway,I'm never really myself in school(this is for the benefit of those who really can't tell). I tried to fit in,even though I never did all the weird things that the group did. Now that was for the mature people.

For the immature people:

Those that look without seeing. Those that have a problem with me even though it's not their business. Well,I'm not upset. I've barely known these people. They can say that people in church don't really know me. When in all reality,I've been in church longer than Secondary school. So try reversing the angle or whatever. They say that people from church don't know me. How about...People from church saying that people from school don't know me! Food for thought.

Well,I have to say,I might seem stuck up beacause I don't hold back. The test might say I have low confidence. But don't mistake the meaning. I have low confidence in myself. All the confidence in God. He's the reason I don't feel bothered. I don't need an earthly father. I have the Heavenly Father.

So,all you at school,thanks for making my life more interesting. I don't know what you intend to do,and I don't really care. But thanks for being my friends if you ever even were. You can't get to me,not while God is with me. You are welcome to prove otherwise though. Prove to me that fists are not the source of your wisdom and intellegence and challenge me. I'm not afraid to lose.

I am an Advocating Thinker.

My personalDNA Report

about you

You are a Thinker

Your cautiousness, appreciation of functionality, and imagination combine to make you a THINKER.

You have a vivid capacity for imagery that allows you to see beyond your present circumstances.

You like to be sure of yourself before voicing your opinion.

A lot of your time is spent at home, or with the people you care about.

Although you may dream often, you're very aware of how things work, and you value things that work well.

You take comfort in the familiar, and value predictability—and others value those things in you.

Accordingly, you prefer a set routine, and although you often imagine how things can be different, you're hesitant to take risks to change things.

Sometimes you doubt whether you have the ability to face certain challenges, but your practical focus helps you solve most problems.

Because of this, you tend to be more reactive than proactive, thinking thoroughly about the challenges that you face.

You have a broad-based, theoretical understanding of the world that allows you to understand its workings.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

You tend to believe that things happen for a reason, and that not everything is under our control.

If you want to be different:

Try indulging your imagination a bit more by experiencing new and different things.

Have a little more faith in your capacity to do things—turn your thoughts into actions!

how you relate to others

You are Advocating

Being social, empathic, and understanding makes you ADVOCATING.

Some people find being around others exhausting—but not you! You are energized by spending time with friends, and you are good at meeting new people.

One of the reasons you enjoy conversation as much as you do is that you often learn about yourself while talking things out with a friend; you realize things about your own beliefs while discussing them with others.

You have insight into what others are thinking and feeling. This ability allows you to be happy for others, and to commiserate when something has gone wrong for them.

You are highly compassionate, and being conscious of how things affect those close to you leaves you cautious about trusting others too hastily.

Despite these reservations, you are open-minded when it comes to your worldview; you don't look to impose your ways on others.

Your sensitivity towards others' plights contributes to an understanding—both intellectual and emotional—of many different perspectives.

As someone who understands the complexities of the world around you, you are reluctant to pass judgments.

If you want to be different:

While it's important to think about others, don't forget to take some time for yourself, and occassionally to put yourself first.

Take some time to spend with a few close friends; although it's difficult to find people to trust, it's worth the effort.

When you have great ideas, it can be hard to relinquish control, but it can also feel good to take the pressure off and enjoy someone else leading the way.

 

Your Personality Chart

 

I made a fool outta myself on Saturday...
Why?
Well,for an illustration. But I shot alotta stupid things. I never tried that before.
Creating an extra mask over the one I already have. I don't really know how everyone reacted,but I sensed this seriousness...
They didn't know how to react I guess...It felt really weird,letting every thought fly outta my mouth. Ah well. Whatever.

Anyway. I don't feel any stronger...I know I am,but I just don't feel it.
My own gifts have the same effect on me as before. I should be afraid to use it,but I'm not. Maybe I have nothing to lose. Maybe I'm just cold..But still,I hate the aftereffects.