^ I love this song...
As much as I love "約束" (Yakusoku { Promise ).
The first one is "Onaji Takami e" and the other is "Toki wo Kizamu Uta"
It roughly translates to "To the Same Heights" and "Song which passes the time"
Both songs use the same tune. And that's because "To the same heights" was originally used in the game.
"Toki wo Kizamu uta" was then created with lyrics and was used for the Anime. :)
I think they have a vocal version of "Yakusoku", but I cannot find it anywhere. :(
Anyway, here's the song! :)
If you're very emotional, get tissues ready.
If you've finished Clannad, you'd need a whole box. :)
Btw, to stop the music that is already playing, click the pause button on the purple circle on the right. :)







I really do love it.

It feels like a weird rotation of sorts.
It forces me to wonder if I will remain like this.
When one loses something, another is gained.
What did I lose in my life that influences this part of me?
I was called a "cool dude"
Unfazed in the face of danger.
That is...untrue.
It's just that I've seen worse, felt worse.
That it takes a lot to shake me.
And yet, such a thing as this...

Anyway, if there is anything I do not want to do.
Is to self-pity.
But even so, I won't pretend that I am fully alright.
But I guess I need to stop worrying the people who care.
Or at least the people who say they care.
It is difficult to differentiate sometimes.
Either way, I do not want to be a burden.
There is someone I do share my thoughts with,
And that person is nice enough to listen and still accept me for that.
But I really need to get to the root of it, and pick up my game.
There is only so much I can dump on a person.
Eh.
But it seems like I feel truly alive when they confide in me.
But I am me. They are them.

I need to control the influx of emotional information.
I need to stop it from affecting me.
I don't know who will understand.
But there are several whom I wish do try to comprehend.

Of course it hurts.
It's been hurting for a while.
And the fact that I have a bad habit of not saying what I want to say,
Nor doing what I feel I should do
Have I disappointed anyone?

But sometimes, it does indeed feel like I am walking alone despite the company.
Which makes me wonder.
Which point in time did I stop being okay with that?
I used to walk alone all the time.

I guess, I just don't want to anymore.
Though I guess I shall, for just a while longer.





I love them so much. Far more then I expected myself to. Far more than I usually allow myself to.

I was not prepared for my own emotions. Not at all.

心配？ 僕のために？　まさか。
デも。。。
ええ。僕です。
。。。
いいえ。僕じゃない。
。。。
僕です。僕じゃない。僕です。僕じゃない。僕です。僕じゃない。
。。。
やっぱり、僕じゃない。。。
。。。




I hate it when I can't tell.

It seems, that a lot has happened.
But in short. I want this time to be different.
I don't want the same thing to happen.
For once, I'm going to do my best.
I'm going to step out of my comfort zone.
And reach out, despite the risk of getting hurt.

I was always protected by my non-chalance.
In case of betrayal.
In case something happens.
But this time...
I have no fallback.
I am running, trusting.
For once, I am not prepared.
Because I am tired of always being prepared.

I want to hang out like people do.
To laugh like people do.
To talk about stupid things that have no impact on life whatsoever.
I want to trust people.
And to be able to count on them.

If at all possible...
I want to be a good friend...

To be counted on.
To help carry the burden.
To give an encouraging word.
To be an existence that is appreciated.

I do not really have anyone else.
I have the one I love.
I have an old friend.
And this small handful of precious people.


Lord, allow me to love, and be loved.
And to be the best friend I can be.
Let me do my part and fulfill your purpose for me.
Let me exist to them, as you would have me exist.
Whether to learn or to teach.
To impart or draw.
To be who I am supposed to be.


And do allow me to keep all the promises I have made. Because I can only keep them through Your strength

Thank you, God:

For the one who showers me with love every single day.
For the one who listens, even when I say the most inappropriate things.
For the one with whom I struggle to get along, but loves me so.
For the one who does not talk to me for long lengths, but shares a bond that goes back in time.
And for the one who, willingly or not, keeps me company for otherwise lonely school hours.



It is not what I dreamed.
But it is, at least, more than I expected.
And I am grateful.
Though I wish I could say more to them.
I need not burden them with any more.
My weight is mine alone to bear.
Though I may wish to share it, that seems impossible for now.

"Though I may not understand, I am here to listen"
"I'm sorry that you have to be a cloud"
"I don't want to understand, but I want to support you"
"I understand how you feel, I am like that too."

Though I cannot share the burden, those words, those feelings. (which I paraphrased to keep identity confidential)
They are enough to keep me going.
I may not be able to connect.
I may not have the same relationships that I see abundant between so many people.
But though I may walk alone.

Those feelings help light the way.

"... on that blindingly bright day ...
... on that very day of winter ...

Imagine what it would be like to have your entire life -- your friends, your family, your interests, your loves, your hatreds, your future -- all taken away from you in a single instant. Imagine a hard, lumpy bed, a noise-filled ward, the sharp sting of needles entering your flesh at all hours of the day, the indignity of being woken up just as you are about to fall asleep for incessant vital statistics measurements, the doctors whose names you don't know (but that's okay, because they don't remember your name, either; they just remember you as "the non-small cell lung carcinoma in room 6"), and your own name, your very own name, that you have just about forgotten.

Then you might have some clue as to what it is like to be dying in a hospital.

This is a story of disease and suffering; of medication and adverse effects; of thoracotomy scars and cellular poisons; of the living who cannot help but to die and of the dying who cannot help but to live; of a resting place other than "on 7F" or "at home".

This is a story of so many things.

But most of all ...



This is the story
of a girl whose heart was standing still
and a boy whose breath was being stolen away.

Both of whom die."








Narcissu.











Google it, and I recommend you get it.

I saw a picture.
And I suddenly remembered what it was like to be in a group.
A clique.
Whatever it was. And not even with Jezreel and the rest.
Before them.
I remember the Usuals.
Ha ha...It seems like so long ago.
I miss being part of a group.

Things have changed so much.
But I know I was not meant to be in a group.
Maybe not yet.
Maybe soon.
Maybe tomorrow.

But as it is, I am not.
I will not lie.
I miss it.
I miss having people I can count on.
But it is something I can live without.
Because I have been.
It doesn't matter that I cannot call anyone to go anywhere at any time.
Just to talk.
Or hang out.
It used to matter.
But well...

We all grow up.
I just don't want to.
After all. Aren't I immature?

I am in a place where people see what they want to see.
And they try to look deeper.
To a point. They they stop trying.
And they assume something to be true.
Sometimes, they are correct.
Sometimes, they are not.

But I learn.

They won't understand because they don't try.
Well, what I do and who I am.
Unorthodox, to be certain.
But still.

Do I despise people?
Heavens, no!
I love easily. I do not hate.
However. People think they understand.
And that's fine.
But the reason I get really mad.
Is when they act based on an assumption about the kind of person I am.

Tch.

Fools.

I am me.
Unorthodox and uncommon.
Flawed and imperfect.
Sentimental and sensitive.

But I sure as hell fight for what I believe in.

I'm actually really angry
And disappointed.
Not surprised, though.
Most people aren't selfish.
But most people are self-centred.
I want to see the good in people.
I really really do.
But.

People
Just
Suck


I will not dispute who the fool is
If it is one, it is all.
But I do know, nearly certain!
I am on my own, shall I fall.



I'm going to see what this "Postal" is all about.

And I never thought that I, so small a figure, could take down a person three times my size.

Budō.
I have taken a step into a way of life that would very likely influence the kind of person I am.
Where I once was patient, now, even more so.
I know where I was wrong.

I need not consume my own energy, when energy is abundant.
It is perfect. And there is always balance.
Yes...
to re-direct
Harness the energy as and when I need to.
I will have power when I need power.
合氣.
Blend, not clash.
To merely change the course of the river.
Not to oppose it.
A force merely needs somewhere to go.
I will give it direction.

This is what I was taught.
And by this, I shall live.

I should really get down to writing some poems again.
Maybe now. On the spot.


Who's to say you're really you
Things you do by your will
Things you see in people abundant
Haven't you had your fill?

I know why you wear that mask
And it is not just for play
You see yourself too small, of course
"Who'd notice you anyway?"

Do you even know who you really are?
Few of us do!
What do you stand for, fight for?
You really don't know, do you!

I cannot help you imagine
A world you've never seen.
Nor have you fathom a place
To which you have never been

But to find it is simple
The only barrier is your mind
Before then, however
Yourself, you must find
_________






T_T
I've gotten rusty. Oh well. I shall practise again.